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Gratefulness
Try to love everything that gets in your way: The Chinese women in flowered bathing caps murmuring together in Mandarin doing leg exercises in your lane while you execute thirty-six furious laps, one for every item on your to-do list. The heavy-bellied man who goes thrashing through the water like a horse with a harpoon stuck in its side and whose breathless tsunamis rock you from your course. Teachers all. Learn to be small and swim past obstacles like a minnow, without grudges or memory. Dart toward your goal, sperm to egg. Thinking, Obstacle, is another obstacle. Try to love the teenage girl lounging against the ladder, showing off her new tattoo: Cette vie est la mienne, This life is mine, in thick blue-black letters on her ivory instep. Be glad she’ll have that to look at the rest of her life, and keep going. Swim by an uncle in the lane next to yours who is teaching his nephew how to hold his breath underwater, even though kids aren’t supposed to be in the pool at this hour. Someday, years from now, this boy who is kicking and flailing in the exact place you want to touch and turn may be a young man at a wedding on a boat, raising his champagne glass in a toast when a huge wave hits, washing everyone overboard. He’ll come up coughing and spitting like he is now, but he’ll come up like a cork, alive. So your moment of impatience must bow in service to the larger story, because if something is in your way, it is going your way, the way of all beings: toward darkness, toward light.
From Desire Zoo (Tia Chucha Press, 2014) and used by kind permission of Alison Luterman.
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