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Gratefulness
Five years ago, a sister who was a soulmate and best friend was dying with lung cancer. She passed away in December of 2012. My life partner was still drinking heavily and was in such bad shape I assumed he was not long for this world. My beautiful brave sister is now with God and Marc quit the vodka. Like Lazarus I got him back!
My cat Lilly, of course. This is from an essay:
“She follows me faithfully from room to room, but if I remain somewhere for long, she stretches out on her back, legs spread wide, and watches my doings from upside down, eyes lolling as I move from desk to window to chair. Lilly thumps her tail hard on the floor when she approves of something (usually me!) and holds no grudges if I spray her because she is knowingly, naughtily snacking on my plants. But those few instances I los...
“She follows me faithfully from room to room, but if I remain somewhere for long, she stretches out on her back, legs spread wide, and watches my doings from upside down, eyes lolling as I move from desk to window to chair. Lilly thumps her tail hard on the floor when she approves of something (usually me!) and holds no grudges if I spray her because she is knowingly, naughtily snacking on my plants. But those few instances I lost my temper and yelled at her over a torn screen or broken dish, she hid in the closet. Each time, I sought her out and apologized. She forgave me immediately and was bored by my subsequent kisses and passionate assurances that I was sorry, truly sorry! Saints don’t forgive so divinely.”
Of course I understand and respect those who find it hard to think about singing hearts today, especially if they lost a loved one. Just thinking about where I was on that terrible day makes my heart ache. Our whole nation mourns – again. But this is a lovely question and I will answer it with what came to mind immediately: happy animals! No one experiences joy more purely. Also – if I am honest – when someone tells me that my poems or essays moved/helped/delighted them. Yes, tha...
Of course I understand and respect those who find it hard to think about singing hearts today, especially if they lost a loved one. Just thinking about where I was on that terrible day makes my heart ache. Our whole nation mourns – again. But this is a lovely question and I will answer it with what came to mind immediately: happy animals! No one experiences joy more purely. Also – if I am honest – when someone tells me that my poems or essays moved/helped/delighted them. Yes, that does make this heart sing!
This morning I got energized – but in a terrible way. The driver ahead of me was right on the tail of the next car, furious that it was going the speed limit. He nearly bumped it a few times. That car finally turned and he then sped up and went right through a crosswalk where a woman and her large old dog were crossing. He nearly hit them. I was so furious my blood was pounding. It took a while for this bad energy to go away. I actually said out loud, “God, I need help with ...
This morning I got energized – but in a terrible way. The driver ahead of me was right on the tail of the next car, furious that it was going the speed limit. He nearly bumped it a few times. That car finally turned and he then sped up and went right through a crosswalk where a woman and her large old dog were crossing. He nearly hit them. I was so furious my blood was pounding. It took a while for this bad energy to go away. I actually said out loud, “God, I need help with this. I don’t know how to get rid of my fury!” I am glad to read of other, better ways of getting energized.
I have read all the below responses and just want to say thank you, all, for your beautiful and profound words. Your experiences and feelings renew my faith in human beings.
I have to say that for me there is a real and satisfying validity in the concept of paying kindness forward. To use a rather trite example – if someone lets me into their lane when I am driving, it makes me want to do that for someone else. I think it’s beautiful that we humans seem to be wired this way. Kindness always begets kindness.
From a poem of mine, “The Cottonwood Tree”
. . . I’ll only say it’s morning now, and in young light, I understand a little more that thing called grace, for sweet as chimes in summer wind,
my cottonwood is lulling me as if I were her only child. I listen to her loveliness, remembering hope. Becoming healed.
Of course I want people in my life to remember me with love! But I am thinking of that maxim, “we judge ourselves by our best intentions and we are judged by our most recent, unworthy act” – or something like that. If that, alas, is true then I may not have much of a legacy, cause I’m no saint. But I trust that people who have known me over the years will cut me some slack. I don’t plan on having a funeral or memorial – my body is going to the Mayo Clin...
Of course I want people in my life to remember me with love! But I am thinking of that maxim, “we judge ourselves by our best intentions and we are judged by our most recent, unworthy act” – or something like that. If that, alas, is true then I may not have much of a legacy, cause I’m no saint. But I trust that people who have known me over the years will cut me some slack. I don’t plan on having a funeral or memorial – my body is going to the Mayo Clinic. I do hope that my poetry and essays and memoir will live past me and continue to touch a reader here, a reader there. I put my heart and soul into my books and I know they are capable of bringing light to the world in their own modest way.
Congratulations! You must be so rightfully proud of yourself.
I am happy for you, Maya! Good for you that you ignored the negative (and wrong!) judgment and forged ahead with your dreams. Your life sounds amazing.
I am so sorry that you had to learn the hard way not to be “foolishly” generous. I am sorry that your good heart was taken advantage of so often. Good for you that you have learned and grown.
To genuinely take pleasure in another’s success is a real gift – for yourself and for the other person.
What a lovely thing for you to do, Gina.
Yes, horses are awesome! when I think about how we made them be part of war for centuries, it saddens me so. They are magnificent creatures.
I hope all will be well, Kathleen. I am sorry you are going through a difficult time.
Thank you, Amor fati!
Thank you KIm!
Thank you KC! I was feeling so low and so worthless as I lay there and then I heard this tree just loving me and tears started to flow. This happened years ago, but one never forgets Grace.
Thank you, Pilgrim. I appreciated that book, too. I need to re-read it. Like you, I would have to say that I experience joy rarely and always with surprise. I feel gratitude and often deep contentment on a daily basis, but not joy. I am glad you admitted that!
Lovely, Antoinette, thank you.
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