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Gratefulness
… and remember how as a child your arms could rise and your palms turn out to bless the world. (Tobar Phadraic, David Whyte)
Since every moment is actually unrepeatable, the way I feel in that moment seems as if it would also be unrepeatable. The way I feel is always such a mixture of things, like what am I adding to the recipe of this point in the day/my life, and what shows up from that. I am trying to stay away from the morbid or depressing these days to keep myself going, so I choose to ask what is best, inspiring, inviting, in this moment and this day? How can I best live and appreciate that? Often, that means...
Since every moment is actually unrepeatable, the way I feel in that moment seems as if it would also be unrepeatable. The way I feel is always such a mixture of things, like what am I adding to the recipe of this point in the day/my life, and what shows up from that. I am trying to stay away from the morbid or depressing these days to keep myself going, so I choose to ask what is best, inspiring, inviting, in this moment and this day? How can I best live and appreciate that? Often, that means staying away from grand hopes and expectations, and noticing the mundane or simple. Or something like that.
“I can’t.” “It’s too late.” “I’m too old.” “I’m not brave enough.”
My life may be best lived if it is first of all a mission – ie, I know why I’m choosing or taking any steps along the way. (At this point, I am lost as to what this is. There are daily tasks (laundry, banking, etc.), that are the sort of stuff of life. Steps toward the mission may also be on some to do list/agenda or greater plan. Best case scenario, I know my mission at any given point – the why and perhaps the joy or fulfillment.
To trust my intuition and my instincts, and not be impeded by the voices and pressures of who/what is outside me. Nobody else knows my heart and soul with the clarity that I do. I think this advice came primarily from myself and my life experience. But it has been grace to have it honored by a select few of really good people.
I have a pretty well practiced public persona of kindness, due in part to the profession I was in for so long. I think it could partly be also that I didn’t, and still don’t, want people delving into my personal business. This question makes me wonder whether and when I actually “get real” with kindness when I am in person, face to face with others. I know I would rather have the real thing than the public persona of another. Hmmm.
So often, the people on this site, including the Gratitude Lounge – as you share your wisdom, vulnerabilities, humor, hope, stories of bravery, struggles, hearts and souls. As well, the cycles of the natural world – the turning of the seasons, the pathways of sun and moon, all God’s creatures in cycles of birthing and working to survive. People who work together toward the good. Advances in medicine – so creative and often under the radar to us, until we are the ones i...
So often, the people on this site, including the Gratitude Lounge – as you share your wisdom, vulnerabilities, humor, hope, stories of bravery, struggles, hearts and souls. As well, the cycles of the natural world – the turning of the seasons, the pathways of sun and moon, all God’s creatures in cycles of birthing and working to survive. People who work together toward the good. Advances in medicine – so creative and often under the radar to us, until we are the ones in need. And of course my family.
Perhaps I could start to name my uniqueness positively to me, and affirm this has been a gift of my Creation and life experience. I have focused on my illness and pain (necessarily) over a few years, adapting and learning how to live with chronic situations. So moving beyond that while still attending the realities, adding possibilities and invitations into the mix of my thought processes, and then coming to put them all together somehow – maybe this will reveal the uniqueness and the w...
Perhaps I could start to name my uniqueness positively to me, and affirm this has been a gift of my Creation and life experience. I have focused on my illness and pain (necessarily) over a few years, adapting and learning how to live with chronic situations. So moving beyond that while still attending the realities, adding possibilities and invitations into the mix of my thought processes, and then coming to put them all together somehow – maybe this will reveal the uniqueness and the ways to bring into the world. Certainly a work in progress.
How is your healing process going, Kevin?
Dear Anna and Ose, thank you very much. I did neglect to answer the 2nd part of the question, though at this moment I don’t have much of an answer. Maybe primarily, to notice when I am living in various ways within these beliefs, and look for ways beyond, around or through them. Seek opportunities that will teach or remind me otherwise. And keep visiting this site with such wise and holy friends.
Exactly, Aine. I think that the Universe will know when we are ready, maybe healed enough in certain areas, and open (or opening) at whatever pace to whatever is to come. This is sometimes frustrating, with its lack of clarity, but inviting and a tiny bit exciting in a way. We are enough, as is. This is somewhat why I keep the name of Pilgrim. Not knowing what is around the bend keeps me on the path opening ahead. I trip and fall. I get up, accept the help and welcome the companionship along ...
Exactly, Aine. I think that the Universe will know when we are ready, maybe healed enough in certain areas, and open (or opening) at whatever pace to whatever is to come. This is sometimes frustrating, with its lack of clarity, but inviting and a tiny bit exciting in a way. We are enough, as is. This is somewhat why I keep the name of Pilgrim. Not knowing what is around the bend keeps me on the path opening ahead. I trip and fall. I get up, accept the help and welcome the companionship along the journey, and keep going. And on days when I am just too tired, I stay and restore and wait. And then keep going.
Thank you, Carol.
Thank you, Aine. And you are correct in that the necessary “role playing” takes its toll over time. A person can just lose sight of their own realities, feelings, struggles, etc. By the time I retired, I felt like I couldn’t hear my own voice or my heart. Maybe that is why I cry so much? Getting the past out, but also trying to figure out what it was that I didn’t deal with or pay attention to. You are so wise :).
So good to hear from you, Kevin, and sooner than I expected! May the recovery continue in your own home (which can make such a difference) and within the loving care of your family. I, too, look forward to ongoing photography and writing from you. Be well.
Oh, dear Ursula. What a fright – a painful one – for you! As Anna says, do your best to rest your body, and your heart and spirit in St. Francis. You are being watched over, and our community continues to hold you in prayer.
Kevin, I will be holding you and your surgical team in prayer tomorrow, and your recovery in the days ahead. Be well.
Beautiful, Francine Marie. Thank you.
Thank you, Kevin.
I am in very similar space, Kevin. I feel like I am doing a lot of letting go of hopes, dreams, and I suppose expectations, too. Trying to surrender, but not finding it easy. And trying to find some replacement hopes and dreams. And some courage.
When I read this, Aine, I think of these words I have heard on some TV shows … “you’re preaching today!” Not preaching in a hounding sort of way, but rather an opening of perspective and words that get inside the heart. Thank you,
You write beautifully, Ben. Thank you for sharing your story here. I am always invited to new awareness or perspective when I read your posts.
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