I no longer need my shell. That is the answer that came to me. So I searched for a photo of a different sea creature to be. Instead of a hermit crab or some other shell(ter)ed organism, I want to be like a sea star… wide open.

While searching online for a free starfish image (ironically, I found one on UnSplash), I circled back around to a very beautiful poem I remembered reading some time ago about the the sublime mystery and miracle of the formation of a shell (Fusiturricula Lullaby by Gjertrude Schnackenburg). Ahhh, and down the rabbit hole, or maybe in this case, the deep sea vent, I went.

Of course, how much does a profile image really matter to how one sees oneself? Isn’t it is only for fun? The much more important question to me is how to balance the need to push my self to be courageous/to grow the need to unconditionally accept myself for who I really am. Yes, I am an introvert, but isn’t that different than hiding out, than self-isolation?

Honestly, I am grateful for these ‘airy’ questions which distract me from much harder things in my life right now. And I am grateful for poetry. For one thing, it helps me feel not so alone in my strangeness. As Carl Sandburg described it, “Poetry is a diary kept by a sea creature who lives on land and wishes [s]he could fly.” I added the [s].

Oh! And of late, I am especially grateful for the lovely lovely poetry course, A Fierce and Enduring Gratitude, created by Dale Biron and offered by this network. Although it has ended, I am just warming up. Thank you, Gratefulness Team!

So I guess I’ll keep my beautiful shell for now, and maybe just try to crawl out of it more often to dry my wings in the sun and flap around a bit.

Brene Brown (writer and social scientist) is one person who has inspired me to try to live a more authentic life. When a few years ago I first heard of her ground-breaking work on shame, it felt like seeing a giant neon arrow flashing the words “THIS WAY” along a very dark, deserted highway. And I am so grateful I took the turn. For me, the subtitle of her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, says it all: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.

I am still very much working on the “letting go” and the “embracing,” but the seeds were planted. A few days ago, I dug out my dog-eared copy of the book and have it next to me now. Time to revisit the ten “guideposts” … one of which is “cultivating gratitude and joy.” It was in this book that I first came across the concept of gratitude as a practice, though the intention did not manifest as “practice” until later in my journey. Blessings of authenticity to all of you today.

I am so very grateful for the voice of Brother David. It is his physical voice, so full of wisdom and compassion and wonder — in the video A Good Day — that first brought me to this site morning after morning. When I hear Brother David say, “let the gratefulness overflow into blessing all around you,” I believe that it will be so. Looking back over the months, I see that “grateful living” has become a way forward for me, a path. And when I become confused by theologies and cosmologies, when I feel I do not belong, I can return to (and re-member) the simple truth of this path. It takes me home.

Yes, the humbleness of her heart comes through so strong. I have only read “The Gifts of Imperfection.” Honestly, reading has often been a challenge in these past few years, due to brain fog and fatigue. This is one of the reasons I am so grateful to have been able to participate in an online art journaling course that she created around the guideposts in the book. The activities really helped move the concepts from the head to the heart. But as I said, definitely time to revisit. It has been four years, I think. Rising Strong sounds like exactly what I need. I hope it comes in to my local library soon.