I was burned badly from being a generous person in the past. For a few decades.. in my twenties and thirties I practiced radical generosity and did not question whether it was a good idea. Now in my late 40s, I’m broke and have no savings. So I don’t give like that anymore. I give very carefully to humanitarian organizations that have the best charity ratings and I give very sparingly of my resources and time person to person. I’ve had so much of my life squandered by people…I was burned badly from being a generous person in the past. For a few decades.. in my twenties and thirties I practiced radical generosity and did not question whether it was a good idea. Now in my late 40s, I’m broke and have no savings. So I don’t give like that anymore. I give very carefully to humanitarian organizations that have the best charity ratings and I give very sparingly of my resources and time face to face. I’ve had so much of my life squandered by people that I “gave” to. Oh and churches that I gave “religiously” to squandered the money, I see that now. So I give, but I give more carefully. Instead of giving directly to drug addicts, I give to orgs that help them recover their lives, etc. I’ve learned that I’m not a professional and I can’t help anyone recover from an addiction or psychological issues. I actually used to believe I could. Had a bad savior complex. I feel like my personal generosity is slightly less than it used to be, not much. It’s certainly less personal and less draining, but I feel okay about that. I have to take care of myself in the process or I can’t give anything to anyone. ????

I used to be a very kind person. always looking for ways to help or bless other. Life kinda sucked that out of me over the last decade. I became a doormat to bad people due to my altruistic kindness..gave far too much of myself and my resources. I am trying to learn again to be kind but with healthy boundaries. I’m very careful about who I am kind to now. I prefer to be kind to distant strangers through charities than helping them up close and personal (which is how I’ve been hurt in the past). Trying to find that balance. I’m not sure that I’ll ever get back to being as kind and giving as I was. Paying it forward seems to have some healthy detachment though…I see that is doing good to a stranger in close proximity..without really having a personal connection with them. That may be a good answer for keeping my kindness closer to home.

I have not yet found this balance this year. The fear, anxiety, anger from the political climate throws me off balance a few times a day. I am trying to figure out a way to stay informed without being thrown off kilter. It’s been hard on my emotional health. I am studying some of George Lakoff’s articles right now and finding some enlightenment. I really want to learn to effectively communicate again with those I disagree with. Hopefully I will find some balance again one day soon!

I know this. I used to care more about the struggles of others..I still do, I just care from a distance after having spent over 30 years being burned by the struggling people who I tried to help. I’ve retreated to lick my own wounds. How to find the balance in this caring issue… it is my struggle. Like many compassionate people..I ignore my own suffering while attending to others and my suffering grows and festers. Finding how to care for myself while caring for others in a healthy way, without allowing them to wound me….trying to learn this.

To keep doing what I am doing. Taking steps to improve my health, staying of grains and suga, eating healthier foods, exercising, staying off of alchohol…drinking herbal medicinal teas..trying to remember to practice mindfulness..and being kind. So discouraged with my progress lately but I need to look at non scale progress. I also need to look at what I’ve gotten done rather than what still needs to be done. My next right step is to keep chipping away at it and my path will become more evident. I’m sure of it. <3

I am grateful for my health. My loved ones. My life circumstances which allow me flexibility and freedom that most people do not have. I am grateful for my dog who is a furry angel that makes and family a warmer place. I am grateful for my cats who teach my patience and act as barometers to my stress levels and give me lots of laughs and attention. I seem to be the sun around which their kitty world revolves even though I’m not sure why they love me so much…the Keeper of the Kitty Treats is adored.

I have enough..and often too much of everything. I’ve tried to change this but it’s a struggle to liquidate things around me. It brings a lot of stress into my life. I sell online, so I’ve always got inventory sitting about, waiting for cleanup/repair and to be photographed and listed. It brings a lot of clutter. I need desperately to change things in my surroundings. My elderly father is a borderline hoarder so I have his hoarded areas, my business items laying about and also stored orderly, then our combined art supplies, books, etc. I’m constantly donating items but I can never seem to get ahead of this. I’m grateful that I have enough space in my home to have this problem. I’m grateful that I’m aware of the overabundance…so I can work on it until it’s better.