Longing to me somehow expresses the inner resonance of the call of something true, to which my heart feels drawn to or connected with, no matter the circumstances, age or mood.
Instead, indestructible faith and deep devotion never leaves, but stays, even against all odds and all faults and mistakes I made.

No matter if it is a longing for kids, or for a partner or the piano to joyfully share communion and the possible indescribable magic with others, longing brings us into contact with the beyond. It reminds us to never forget the indwelling source, to love Love, and to go for it. It is an expression of life itself, of this indwelling universal spirit, waiting for us to gratefully connect with, with devotion and all our heart.

Yesterday, I saw a beautiful documentation about a female constructor in northern India named “Didi” , who builds mud houses made of material originating from the area around.

It was the first time that I heard of someone building a home by taking the light as the central guideline. So very beautiful! How the lights wanders through the house through the seasonal position of the sun is the guiding vision, and the rest follows, in well considered proportions. She envisions her later buildings in her dreams. Light flooded rooms and an atmosphere of sobriety and beauty, embedded naturally into the given landscape. And all material, the mud, the stones from the river, the bamboo are recyclable. it creates a totally different feeling of living, guided by the light so to say through the construction of the home!

I was so happy to see this. And she trains young students, although she must be about 80 years already.

I am very grateful for having seen this, and that this exists. A beautiful, creative, authentic way of bringing substantial love into the homes, not houses.
(if someone is interested to see the trailer, it is https: //vimeo.com/224233704 )

So many people who enriched my life and left. I feel so grateful be able to mention former friends, with whom I shared most beautiful moments of happiness, of intimacy, of sadness as well as heartwarming situations, which left us inspired by the beauty of the other perspective and togetherness. Even if the roads we travel took different directions, it is all written in our hearts forever and will be a source of joy and inspiration all life long. It can´t be other. Every heartfelt encounter leaves this grateful trace forever. I am grateful for all of them, while moving through my life led by the sun and the moon and the stars, and my heart.

The heart. Blessed are you, dear heart! You, being the core in our all existence, often unnoticed in your absolutely reliable presence and aliveness.
Without you, my beloved heart, there would not be me, nor anything else. Through you, there is the joy of existence. Through you, there is love and happiness, and bliss even. Your beat sends life´s juice to the far off regions of our being, body and soul. I am happy. I am grateful. My heart sings. Humble and grateful I cannot help but praise you especially, my dear dear heart.

To share moments of being deeply touched, and to share visions about stars, the sun and the moon, and express it when the other lost hope, like a dear friend totally unexpected wrote to me yesterday. She must have felt I was losing the sight of light, as she often does in her friends. I am deeply grateful for her dear friendship. It was again a moment of coming home. To be sharing this, and to be this for one another I feel is a gift we all can be for each other.

Once there was a word for the day, or was it a post? This was saying that a friend is someone who sings the song of your heart back to you when you have forgotten the words.

My chosen mother is such a role model. She will come out of hospital today, after she fell and broke some bones. Aged 86, she still is not able to walk again, and may be she might need to stay in a care home from now on. In all this process of healing, she is so patient and carries good mood.
One of her sons quit contact with her, which is deeply painful for her, but still, she does not complain. She looks with loving eyes at him inside, and finds balance in her soul to deal with it, not excluding him, although he did hurt her deeply. She allows him to be as he is, no matter what, and does not interfere.
There are , of course, as well things unsolved, where she feels not calm and patient at all inside, but compared to her general inner condition, the state of contentment in her is prominent.
Since her retirement, after a fulfilled life in service of others all her life, where she could live according to her inner call and capacity for psychological analysis, combined with a profound knowledge of literature and arts, she has turned her view to the inside.
Reading all her beloved books again, especially the ones on the – now and again favorite – theme of light in all its forms, she becomes inwardly silent and creates an atmosphere of stillness and contentment in and around.

Dear grateful sea, so moving to read what you shared of yourself. Thank you so much! If you don´t mind, please let me share some of my own experience. Wishing you may find relief and find a way to deal with the sensory overload. Eventually, may be my own experience could be of service? I am so very grateful for having had the chance to make a process through the jungle of emotions, and may be it helps?

How to deal with my emotions? They reached from suppressing them and landing up in isolation like you mentioned it, to the other extreme of being completely overwhelmed by them. This personal process of “cure” is now of inestimable value in my profession. May be sharing the essence-part of my experience is of help for you as well? If you don´t mind a long post… sorry for this, I could not make it shorter.

Recently, I realized deep states of anxiety inside myself, where I was stuck since years without knowing even that I was anxious. I cried out loud, every time I felt this fear. Fear and me myself was one. Once aware, I tried to really find a different way to deal with these strong emotions.

First, I fought these emotions but in the mean time I felt imprisoned and being caught in this structure of fighting, until I finally could surrender through changing my inner mental position. I could follow the suggestion a dear teacher once offered and changed to standing in a corridor while watching my fear or my despair located in the room in front of me with loving kindness, instead of being in the room of fear or despair itself.

So I exercised to switch to this imagined corridor every time I felt the overwhelming emotion and tried to observe it with compassion. It was so relieving, to experiencing the slowly coming out of for example despair, and starting to become calmer, the more I succeeded to take this inner position of the observer.

Then, the important next step was that I realized something. Already some years ago, I was able to consciously decide not to be jealous, as I did not want to overload my dear friendship with this destructive feeling. I really could do so, not suppressing jealousy but deciding not to follow this impulsive feeling of being jealous. I could let it go.

The beauty was that it was only one step further to realize that I could do so as well with my strong fear, and even with the despair. That I am the one who decides, which place I would wish the fear or the despair to have in my life. I could really link it, my constructive ability to deal with the overwhelming emotion of jealousy and the possible step to see fear, but to actively say: no, I don´t follow you for the sake of my peace of mind, like I managed to not follow jealousy for the sake of my friendship.

I found that this is a possible way to be with every single emotion, which I formerly had to avoid or was overwhelming me, if I could not succeed to avoid it. Still, there is exercise required, it still is work in progress, but fear an despair is much less by now.
Sorry again for the long reply for the ones who made it until here. It is nighttime by now, so please let me wish peaceful dreams to all of you out there.