This week’s was a difficult one for me. I’ve become stalled in my self-expression with the fear that I won’t make it to Jerusalem, so to speak. I’ve been sacrificing too much of myself for the sake of the “long game.” I don’t know how to reframe or release that. All I know is that I’m tired of being “good” – to steal from another poet, Mary Oliver – I’m tired of walking 100 miles on my knees through the desert repenting. This pilgrimage is not one of self-abegnation.

This course is so incredibly timely for me! I recently relinquished the identity of skeptic and naysayer and started on a path I’ve never walked before, one that requires faith and trust.in both visible and invisible help. In many ways, I’ve lost my life in order to gain it. Everything familiar gave way beneath my feet in March. I lost my health for a time, as well as my day job, the only creative outlet I had, and a major relationship. Just a month ago I was in the deepest grief of my life; two days ago the metaphorical lark song invited me forward over the pass and into a joy I never even thought possible – joy related to both love AND work..I could never have foreseen this. I could not have planned it better. I’m stunned and humbled, not to mention profoundly GRATEFUL.

Oh, Lianne, I’m so sorry for your incredible losses! I cried for the duration of this exercise, but especially when I reached “what feelings or situations keep you from wholeheartedness?” I wrote fear and uncertainty, the intense vulnerability of where I’m at right now, and the pain of grief for everything I’ve lost already. I’ve lost a great deal. Which is what you risk when you let things matter. I’m inspired by your courage and that you’re even doing this.