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Gratefulness
For Thomas Hand, SJ, friend to Ruben Habito
Shadows on the scans. Nothing they can do, doctors say. So he sits with a pen in his hand to tell his friends. He is not surprised; he had been weakening every day.
And God has manifested in his good health for more than eighty years. Now, he writes, it is “a blessing to have things clear, with no need to make a lot of difficult decisions.”
Now, God manifests in his final illness “and this is great,” he writes, though perhaps no one will understand as they see only the loss and darkness ahead while he stands in the light of transformation.
Some may talk to him of heaven and comfort and the things to come. All this, he knows well, but now, he sits in the night with the pen in his hand
and thinks that with tumors and shadows in his stomach and lungs he has no interest in the land of the future. Why should he? when right now the moon is full
and even near midnight casts shadows in the dark – of the trees, of the parish house where he lives, of the chapel’s holy cross, of his own hand as he writes
What I really want is to become the Flow of the Spirit… to fully enter into the movement of Reality. No scenarios about what’s to come. Just live the Now.
Now, putting the pen down. Now, folding the paper just right. Now, breathing in. Now, rising in all the moonlight and walking with his shadow
from this room to the next.
All rights reserved. Posted by kind permission of the poet.
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