My deepest moments of forgiveness have been when I have had a glimpse of the truth and have seen myself looking out from another’s face.

When I was aware enough to see my own pain at the root of my forgiveness-worthy behavior, I became better able to see another’s pain at the root of their behavior.

When I was able to recognize the deep sadness I had for hurting others, I was better able to see the signs of another’s deep sadness for hurting me.

When I became awakened to my own intense need for compassionate release from my perceived wrongs, I could see that others need this as much as I do.

I can hold someone with compassion even if their behavior is such that we can never interact again. I can free them, and in so doing free myself as well.

Oh, sweet grateful, I understand. One of the components I went through with Lyme is similar to what you describe with the encephalitis. Sensory overload is hard. I went through one patch where the song of doing laundry about had me wanting to scream. Because the borellia eat the collagen in the body, the myelin sheath on nerves goes on their buffet. That means a host of neuro symptoms, and it is also one reason Lyme gets misdiagnosed so often.

There was, for me, sometimes a sense of being trapped between what I wanted to express and my ability to express it. I am better now and very grateful my abilities came back. I know how much of a struggle that is. Hugs.

You liked the Frederick Buechner quote? He is a favorite of mine. His work was introduced to me many years ago by a dear friend. He wrote both fiction and nonfiction, was a pastor and storyteller, never afraid to question or admit the things he did not understand, as well as being the son of an alcoholic who, as I recall, died by suicide when Buechner was growing up.

I love his style as well as his honesty. For a good start in his work, I suggest Listening to Your Life. It is a book of 366 short entries, excerpts from his longer works, and it is a wonderful introduction. He seemed so able to see both light and dark, but never to let darkness win.

Oh, thank you! The image of warm anything helps at the moment. I am afraid that the imminent return to single digits and recent snow with more forecast has me feeling a bit frowny, and I wrote a couple grumpy winter haikus this morning, from which I shall spare you. ????

I have long labored under the taskmaster of “getting it right” or “getting it perfect.” I approached forgiveness this way, too, like it was a key opening a door or a place you “arrived” at.

After getting a bit scraped up for various reasons, I have come to believe that forgiveness, like healing, happens in layers, especially if the hurt or damage is quite deep, and is not a once-and-done kind of thing.

Both forgiving and healing are not destinations but journeys, so “getting it right” simply means taking the next right step as best I can.

And doing that is something to celebrate and give us cause to feel gratitude!

Ursula, so nice to hear from you! ???? I had wondered where and how you were.

Have you tried one of those treat dispensing puzzle type balls for Sunny? The dog has to roll it just the right way to get the treat out, so it keeps them busy. It might buy you some time and help Sunny be intrigued and not bored. Young dogs can get bored easily!

If she is not reliable yet left alone, perhaps you could confine her in a room where she cannot do much damage? We do not crate train ours, but we do use confinement in rooms. The dog gets more freedom as the reliability of not destroying the place improves. It does not take long, and it can give you some peace of mind to nap if you need without wondering if you will wake up to a dog surrounded by what is left of your sofa cushions.

Be sure, too, that nothing with chocolate or xylitol in it is left where she coule get hold of it. Both are toxic to dogs. The xylitol is super scary with less signs, so we won’t even let toothpaste with it in it into the house.
If you have a dog park near where she can safely run and play with others, that might help, too. A tired puppy is a good puppy! ???? Mine always get more fractious when they need to run off some energy.

Have you ever tried the homeopathic remedy Ledum Palustre on Jack for his bite? That is one often indicated for puncture wounds and is a primary one for fighting Lyme, incidentally. It might take a little detective work to see if things matched up with his symptom picture, but it could help heal any residual effects.

I have used homeopathy on my dogs for years. Once a remedy even got an intestinal blockage moving when the vet’s emetic could not, thus averting surgery for our old Lab. (It had rained after prolonged drought, and the silly idiot tried to eat a whole yard full of fresh grass.)

Dear Manda, I love your perspectives! So shining.

Soil is fascinating stuff. Such potential in seed and plain ol’ dirt! Amazing.

We are about to experience a magic wand kind of shift in the weather, from nearly 60F yesterday to about 16F tomorrow with snow on top of ice on top of a lot of rain. I can’t say I am thrilled as I rather liked that sixty and sunny bit and basked a bit in the deck greenhouse with a good dog, but I shall take a leaf from your book and do something colorful and tasty. Perhaps a batch of my Butternut Mulligatawny soup? Hmmmm…

The book by Lewis Smedes called The Art of Forgiving made this point very well. He delineated the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.

The first has nothing to do with the other person’s behavior. You can forgive someone who is dead or not safe to interact with for whatever reason. Forgiving is about freeing us from being shackled to the pain of the past. It does NOT mean the relationship continues.

That is the difference.

Reconciliation requires that the other party adhere to a certain standard of behavior, which the forgiver gets to set, such as not lying, stealing, slandering, etc. If the forgiven person does not stop the behavior that required forgiving in the first place, chances are the relationship will not continue, though the forgiveness does.

So many people are taught forgiving means the person who hurt you gets another pass or a get out of jail free card, and they cannot standcthe thought, probably for good reason. Sadly, this keeps them from experiencing the freedom of letting go.

I love your last quote!

My husband and I both come from damaged parents, too, and it created what you might call complementary baggage in us. His damage often kicks off mine and vice versa. Ugh!

We have learned through the process of screwing up and asking for forgiveness, though, and we’re sure better at it than we used to be.

It is not that we get it right all the time. Rather, we catch ourselves going down that street again and can change course better. Of course, it has only taken twenty seven years…maybe in another twenty seven we’ll have it down pat!

Although, come to think of it, our friends who have bern married nearly that long would probably just laugh if they heard me say that!

I struggled with this, too, I made some decisions that wound up causing me much suffering, and I fought to forgive myself. It took awhile, but I came to view my decisions, and myself, with more compassion. What had my “crime” against myself been, really, except to want to be loved by someone who could not be that for me? How could I blame anyone for wanting to be loved? It made it easier to see myself with compassion for wanting the love as well as the other people for being so damaged themselves as to be unable to give it. The combination helped me see more clearly, and I have been betrer able to let go of both the pain and the feelings of shame at the root of it all.