“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” Carl Gustav Jung

In the past few days, I have experienced what I call a “Blinding Glimpse of the Obvious.” Such a gift involves realization (getting real), feeling (feel to heal), owning (accepting but not blaming or shaming), giving-in not giving up so the energy this awareness fuels can lead to transformation.
I read a poem this morning by Sharon Dolan called “Evening Storm.” One line just reached into my heart: “There is a crest a recurring tall wave that comes for you.”

That wave describes perfectly what a “blinding glimpse of the obvious” is. That wave hit the beach of my heart last night and a ton of frozen anger began to melt. Fr. Richard Rohr says “What isn’t transformed is transmitted.” I would not want to transmit this frozen anger to anyone and I definitely don’t want it growing in my family tree!

Last night, I was pissed-off/fuming (no other expression works) and each cell in my body was releasing such a powerful energy that had been stored there for a long time. I felt like I was riding on a bucking bronco.

I was riding the energy of that wave. It was awesome. My eyes were on the prize. They were focused on my heart—the beautiful heart that faithfully beats tirelessly on my behalf. I’m still processing all of this but this I know. When one can get real, feel to heal, accept and own one’s anger, the frozen energy that has been used to blame, to shame, to stuff and turn feelings into a moral issue is freed. Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They just are and the sooner we can feel them and let them go, the easier it can be to heal and move on.

I know that my physical pain is more emotion than condition. Granted, I’ve got metal in my spine, scoliosis, hyper-mobility in my ribs but in my current fight and flight modality, I only aggravate these circumstances. I have to accept what I can’t change.
I know that nothing outside of myself can fix me. Others can help me; Others can be blessings in my life but shattered dreams are just dreams.
I know that there’s nothing wrong with dreams as long as they don’t own you. After all, dreams bring well being when my insides and outsides are integrated so I can choose to respond not react to life. However, when they are grounded in wants instead of needs, it’s time to ask myself if I’m looking for someone to fix me or make me feel better.

I know that allowing frozen anger to melt produces “living water.” As one of my Morning Meds readers says, “self flowing/pouring into Self.” What a wonderful definition for transformation.
I do not wish to leave this world without “self pouring, rushing, roaring, flowing into Self.” I want my soul to feed the Soul of Oneness, the Spirit of Wholeness.

Thanks for listening and helping me process this eye on my heart.

“And the disciple asked the Master to define spirituality and he said, “Awareness, Awareness, Awareness.” Anthony de Mello, One Minute Wisdom.

Blessings, Carol

It is God Who Waits by C. Conner

The true key to this moment is “letting”…letting God transform us, be incarnate in and through us, so that like Jesus, we become the hands, the feet, the eyes that look compassion on the world.

The O.T. (Genesis I) teaches that what God created is good, is holy. At Jesus’ Baptism, the dove descended and we heard the words, “This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.”

Each of us is called to be the beloved of God. God loved first. What is our response?

We tend to separate the body from the spirit. But Mary’s “yes” tells us that they are inseparable. The Virgin Birth is and independent birth. The seed is sown in the eternal now in each of us moment by moment.

To nurture it is a redemptive choice that each of us, seeking a mature relationship with the God of creation, must make. The angel still comes, always watchful, always waiting for the soul that is ready to say, “Let it be done unto me according Thy Word.”

It is God who waits. God waits for that evolutionary change, that “yes” which is already within us, but requires individual consent—our willingness to be an instrument of grace. in this moment and this moment….

A Lesson from the Morning Doves

Kristi, The April 26th Daily Quote prompted this sharing which I think is quite supportive of your blog entry.

“It was my life – like all lives, mysterious and irrevocable and sacred. So very close, so very present, so very belonging to me. How wild it was, to let it be.” Cheryl Strayed

Good Morning, I packed my bags last weekend in preparation for a trip north to Kansas to visit my son, his wife and family of rescued animals, my sister and a dear uncle who will be there this weekend. At some level, I knew I was running away, not willing to work on what needs my attention.

A series of severe spring storms which keep blanketing Oklahoma, Kansas, Arkansas and Missouri for the next several days have made my planned road trip an unwise adventure. I have decided to let it go and own the fact that I’m on an intense inner road trip at this time and I can better gestate this inner path in the comfort of my own home.

Just a month ago this week, I returned home to Louisiana from an enriching five month sojourn in New Mexico. When I arrived here, I discovered a Morning Dove nesting on my front porch in a hanging planter. This did not surprise me because it was the second spring for a Morning Dove to choose my porch to build a nest.

Morning Doves lay two eggs and I eagerly awaited the birth of this dove’s little ones. Interestingly, she had no problem with my ingress and egress from my front door several times daily; but, let any one else arrive at my door and she would panic. She seemed to know, it was my home, too. That was acceptable to her.

She had two healthy babies about 10 days later and about a week after their birth, I awoke one morning to find them strutting around the driveway with her close at hand. Since I had been told when birds abandon a nest, they do not return, I thought I would probably not have another nest builder until next year so I decided I would plant some oregano in that hanging pot. I love growing fresh herbs.

A few days ago, I noticed two young Morning Doves (Morning Doves mate for life.) putting twigs in the planter. I wondered if at least one of them was a former resident. I realized that by planting something there, I had disturbed what apparently was, to their way of thinking, a family home and so I removed the oregano and sure enough they claimed the territory. I’m once again awaiting the birth of new life.

So what is the lesson of the Morning Doves?

I cannot open the front door and pass by that nest without feeling the trust this latest set of Doves has placed in me. The future of their offspring has literally been placed in my hands.

I ask you to picture that, to frame it and hang it on the wall of your mind—my hands holding those two small eggs and determining their fate.

These doves have chosen to make my home their home and I learned, not so long ago, that all of creation wants to speak to me and to you. Is it reaching too far to apply this metaphor to my own life?

I ask myself: How long has it been since I have looked at the eggs in my basket? What am I birthing? Trust me, we are always birthing something. Is this new life I’m birthing evolutionary or revolutionary? Is it an open door or a revolving door? Am I walking through this door to greater awareness or am I stuck in an old vehicle, driving around and around the mountain and arriving in the same place over and over and never truly coming home to my own truth?

On my death bed, will I be able to say like Cheryl Strayed, “It was my life – like all lives, mysterious and irrevocable and sacred. So very close, so very present, so very belonging to me. How wild it was, to let it be.”

Blessings, Carol