Hello beautiful people all. I am grateful for each and every one of you, seen and unseen, here in this community. I am reposting below what I previously deleted because it is still on my heart / I kept it in my journal / and in the light of this new morning I feel calm as I reread it. LOVE, wrote Zora Neale Hurston, makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.

Yesterday I read a few poems by a DeafBlind poet who has created his own form of haiku to fit on classic Braille slates. Wow! And one remarkable poem describes how once when he was gardening he was blown over by a gust of wind into a bed of foxgloves and feeling about “handinglove” came to understand something new about their nature and his own. At least I think that was it. Truthfully, I fumbled my way through the light of his poems as if I myself was in the dark — and it was heart-opening, to switch places in that way.

Why am I sharing this? I don’t know if I can explain.. First, I am so moved by this Deaf/Blind man’s desire and ability to express himself, despite his (unimagineable to me) challenges. Also, I am reminded to be grateful that all my senses are intact, allowing me to experience the exquisite beauty of our world. As in a quote I copied from this site a few weeks ago, “Listen to your life… touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it…” (Frederick Buechner) Yes!

I wanted to start with the positive, now here’s the paradox. I am often overwhelmed by these senses: sounds, smells, light, movement. I have to shut down and that brings about isolation. I had encephalitis a few years ago and this left my brain in a sense fractured.

I have come a long way in healing but still I struggle with ‘sensory overload’ and am so frustrated with difficulty putting thoughts together, arriving someplace with them, following multiple conversations. The muddle in my mind of multiple conversations! Even in the relative tameness of this space, I am often overwhelmed to the point of tears. Yet I want so much to connect, to show that I see/hear/value each of you. I do.

Wanting to end on a positive, I witness this moment with gratitude: warm winter rain, falling through sunshine, softly drumming on the tin roof. Peace, all.

Bless you, dear Aine, we do have a lot in common. Mostly good things (a love of plants and trees, animals, books to name a few!) and then there is Lyme disease (ugh) about which I think we have talked a little bit before.

In my case, it was viral encephalitis that activated latent Lyme and co-infections, on top of damage from years of drugs for supposed adult-onset ADD, mold toxicosis, and extreme job-related stress. Basically, a neurologic firestorm brought on by tangled web of influences that took years to see the scaffolding of. I think anyone living with complex, chronic disease has a similar though unique story of this web. Oh, I am so truly grateful for those health practitioners who are both learned and humble enough to consider the big picture.

As I said, I have come a long way in healing. I guess the thing for me now several years out as the cognitive symptoms persist, is truly accepting that the window has closed for me to return to my previous profession (veterinary medicine). I have known it for a while, but always in the very back of mind I have kept this fairy-tale story of returning my vocation. So it is hard right now. It just is.

I hope this doesn’t sound like complaining. I hope it is (as you said about Buechner) the dark and the light. Something huge I am learning here at A Network for Grateful Living. So many here, including you Aine, beautifully skilled at it. How to hold both the dark and the light at the same time. How to speak of it, write of it — so to be able to show up in the world as both authentic and a force for good. Blessings, blessings.

Dear Ose, I am so touched by your post, I value every word of it, as you are sharing your life wisdom. It deeply feels like something I need to hear.

I have become familiar with the concept of being the inner observer through yoga. It is something I practice in sitting meditation at regular times.

But the image you share of the corridor is new and very vivid to me. Something I might be able to remember in the heat of rising emotion as I go about my day, try to move forward, get back on my feet. To stand in the corridor and choose not to go into the room where anxiety resides but to look upon it with loving-kindness. I will try to remember this image next time.

I am so glad to read of the progress of your own work on this. Thank you so much for sharing.

Dear Palm, it is wonderful how much more is now known about autism that can help children such as your daughter. I have a lot more compassion for those with the disorder after my own brain issues. I haven’t heard about the relationship of those minerals and sensory overload. I will look into it. Thank you for mentioning it. I have found the most help through the discipline of functional medicine and diet is a key part. I can’t see this doctor very often because insurance doesn’t pay but I am so grateful for all she has done.