This month is exactly such a period. My wife, the breadwinner in our family, will be unemployed in a week and we have to move. I was recently confronted with health issues for the first time in my life – February is going to be an anxious month, but I refuse to give myself over to pessimism, come what may. I’m quoting Br. David from an article, here, on this site titled “The Shadow” when I say, “To remain open for surprise when everything turns out worse than we could ever imagine – that is hope.”

Any sense of imperfection arises from our egoistic perception that is deeply rooted in duality, the illusion that we are separate. When this moment (which is perfect!) and all that it contains fails to meet my expectation, I remind myself that this, too, is subjective; it is merely a point of view and I have a choice to hold onto rigidly and suffer, or I can soften my self to the possibilities it holds. Life is full of surprises.

(Y)our higher self already exists at the next level of consciousness and is calling us forth. This is the idea of having a “calling”.
~Maryam Hasnaa

Gratefulness can help you realize things. It can induce pronoia, and then what? When you realize the entire Universe is plotting along with you, only from an eternal and infinite perspective, you start looking at the challenges in (y)our own life and start to make the connections to how these frustrating people and situations develop us.

My wife and brother working unconsciously in tandem, like a carrot and stick, steering me, like a blind donkey, into the divine. And, what’s more, is I can never escape it. I can’t just switch the characters to change the narrative. Everyone I meet will be a reflection of an unrealized or undeveloped aspect of myself. Hey, Gratefuls! Thanks for the sounding board this morning!

I’ve learned to recognize in my close associations a certain tone that they use when making bad decisions. When I learn to hear the sound of my own voice, my “tell”, when I’m talking myself into a poor choice, and the accompanying feeling of justification, entitlement or whatever emotion compels me into incorrect action, I will learn to slow down and re-evaluate my assemblage point.

Forgiveness is, of course, the balm for regret. I have a few and I’ve poured over them with heart and mind looking for how I could’ve been different at the time and it comes down to context – If only I’d had better information, if only I’d known more about the situation as it actually was and not as I perceived it , if only I’d. . . .known myself better. The common theme in all of my regrets is that ultimately I was lying to myself.

My brother is renovating the kitchen of the house we share and I’ve been without a clean and proper place to prepare and store food for about a month. ‘Committing’ anything today brings with it connotations of murder or “into a mental health facility”.

Seriously, though, January has been avery trying month on all fronts; physical, emotional, mental, interpersonal. Petty details have a way overwhelming me, where as actual danger has a calming effect and even putting me in a rather exhilarating sense of anticipation. Either my renewed practice with meditation is having unexpected side-effects or calamity is casting a shadow that I mistake as merely being winter. I acknowledge the anxiety, literally as Br. David describes it, the “choking and narrowing”. It’s as if the Universe is exaggerating this anxiety to cartoonish proportions in every direction so that I don’t miss the significance of this lesson in patience. If I’m to commit to anything it is to abide this transition fearlessly and with gratitude rather than depression; that I see it as a birth of unimagined possibilities and new way of being.

Many of my associations are accidents of proximity and circumstances. “Friend” is not a word I use lightly. But those I’ve chosen, the Noble Friend, you are a reflection of my deeds, my inner yearnings, my aspirations, my nascent possibilities. You uncover these aspects in me where as I do not perceive them, as a flame does not burn itself, nor a blade cut itself. When we see in a reflection something we don’t like, do we seek to transform the image in the reflection or do we correct the matter within ourselves?

RE: practice channeling my own desires to the needs of the world – this is vocation by definition
RE: keep my wisdom a secret from those not yet ready for it, so as to meet them where they are – best advice I’ve heard in a long time! Thanks. . .
RE: learn to be a better leader – It dawned on me that my guilty fascination with bing-watching “The Walking Dead” was because it’s an abstract study in leadership in ridiculous situations.
RE: study UFOs and aliens – interesting suggestion! I’d be curious for you to unpack this a little for us, if you’d care to. Why would an interest such as this illuminate how we might better love the world?

Excellent response, Hot Sauce!