For all of my working and professional life, including a clear call to ministry along the way, I have been very fortunate because each career move I made, and the Quaker children’s retreat program I founded, were all crystal-clear steps in certainty that this is what I should do at that particular time. I always thought that when I retired, I would have the time and ability to do whatever I wanted, especially doing things that would be of direct service to others. As I begin my third year of retirement, however, no clear sense has emerged in terms of “do this” or “that” specific thing. I realize that my chronic back pain issues have severely limited some options that I might have considered. Volunteer opportunities that involve standing or sitting for long periods of time, lifting more than ten pounds and bending in certain ways, prevents me from jumping in to help some worthy organizations. I admit to being frustrated about this reality but I cannot say that I am at peace with it either.

Even though I remain quite active with my rowing team (as coxswain), remain active within my faith community, spend time with our grandkids and enjoy photography and blogging, I have yet to feel satisfied that I am doing what I had hoped to be doing once I retired. Though I am in no way unhappy, finding ways to let go of this frustration, or understanding it all differently, would likely make me feel freer for sure.
– Kevin

That I had a chance to meet and develop a friendship with James Toothaker later in his life. Jim was a Quaker Minister who became my mentor over the years. Jim, like myself, loved rocks, and he and I often stopped while on the highway in route to retreats and other Quaker events to explore rock formations and to carry back to Jim’s car certain rocks that contained discernable energy that we both could feel. Once, while atop a rock outcropping on the side of the highway a New York State Trooper pulled up behind Jim’s El Camino (half car/half pickup truck) to see what we were up to. When Jim explained to the trooper that we were collecting certain stones for their spiritual properties, “Like this one,” Jim said, the trooper gave us a weird look, said goodbye and got in his cruiser and drove away. I miss my friend Jim to this day.
– Kevin

Today’s question leaves me somewhat stumped. Had the question been, what new “practice” do I have the opportunity to initiate now?, I would have had a nugget to latch on to.

It makes me smile that the good folks at Gratefulness just assume that we want to practice a behavior that is positive and not negative! It reminds me of a client I once had who kept getting into trouble over and over again at school and getting suspended for various misdeeds. Some months went by and it became apparent that he had stopped getting into trouble. So I asked him what changed. He said, “I got tired of being a “wise-ass” and just decided to be good again.” Bingo! Just like that! I wish that I could have asked him today’s Daily Question.

If I am doing what I can and what is reasonable to be of service to others presently, and doing so in a manner that makes sense in relationship to my ongoing other important responsibilities, then I see no reason to be doing “more.” Doing more for the sake of doing more seems to me to be closer to obsession and self-need rather than right order and true service. Few and far between are those rare persons whose very lives are about service to others. For them, there is no “freeing myself up,” it is what and who they are. What they do, and how they go about it, seems to flow with a kind of grace that cannot be manufactured with desire.
– Kevin

Through my teens and into my thirties I was a farmer. Then I became a social worker working with young people and their families. And through most of my adult life into the present I have been engaged in ministry and providing pastoral care to persons of all ages. Whether it was working with cattle and helping cows to calve, or knowing how challenging it can be to establish a new field of alfalfa in unpredictable weather, this teaches you how life comes, how it sometimes struggles to survive and what life ending feels and looks like. I’ve seen babies born and worked with teens struggling not to commit suicide, and witnessed children overcoming daunting, seemingly cruel obstacles. I have had the tender and sometimes holy privilege of sitting with people ravaged by disease or other persons, at the end of a long and fruitful life, as each in their own way and time took their last breath. The fragility, resilience, triumph and wonder of all that life is has been and continues to be made manifest by each of these experiences.
– Kevin