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Gratefulness
To love in the face of fear is bold. To love in the face of hatred is courageous. To make the choice to stretch through resistance to love even more deeply and widely in the face of blatant acts of fear and hatred is a heroism of the heart that may be our only hope to heal this world.
I wrote these words today in the midst of a broken heart that honestly feels too shattered to muster much courage or vigor, yet I still know this truth about love in the marrow of my bones.
It is not only the horrific killings in Orlando, it is all the violence that people face in their lives every day that can shatter me. It can feel impossible to transcend my broken heart, impossible to lift myself out of my despair. I often want to wait to act until all my grief, heartbreak and anger dissipate, but I know I will need to wait forever. While these hard feelings can be overpowering, they also motivate important action and change in the world, our relationships, and our lives. At the core, I cannot help but feel that when I am cut off from either my anguish or my own heart, I have let the violence “win.” And so, I know that the only choice is to muster my courage and rally my shattered self enough to love.
Love is a verb – it wants to be active. It wants to be witnessed, felt, demonstrated, shared, flung and sung from treetops and from the bottom of our toes. Love does not want to be subordinate to grief and hurt – it wants to be part of it, it wants to be known as the cause of it. Love is longing to be woven into the entire emotional fabric of our lives – winding and revealing itself alongside every thread that is not love. This big, messy, beautiful tapestry is the truth.
So, today I pledge to be outraged, with love. To feel vulnerable, with love. To grieve, with love. To be heartbroken, with love. To be afraid, with love. To be shattered by love. And to keep listening deeply into it all, trying to know what is called for; what I – with my broken heart – can do to help heal our broken world.
Tennessee Williams said, “The world is violent and mercurial — it will have its way with you. We are saved only by love — love for each other and the love that we pour into the art we feel compelled to share: being a parent; being a writer; being a painter; being a friend. We live in a perpetually burning building, and what we must save from it, all the time, is love.”
Today, I hope that we can make all of what we do our art, and that we will let love have its way with the fullness of our heart.
To consider (feel free to share your reflections below):
Kristi Nelson is the Executive Director of A Network for Grateful Living. To read more about her visit this page.
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In what ways can you “save” love?
By not giving into despair, and by continuing our practice of gratitude. Love and gratitude are not end points to be achieved but are the path itself.
Matt – You are so right. “Love and gratitude are the path itself…” not end points to seek to achieve. Thank you so much for your wisdom and commitment.
I find I can’t even love open-heartedly when faced with a love that’s more intense than I want. How to find love in the face of hatred and such disregard for others? I can’t. I fail.
Kay – thank you for sharing what you are saying here. I believe that the first step is to know and speak the truth of your heart’s limitations, then to have compassion for them, then to stretch ourselves to more courageous acts of loving. You are on the path – that is what matters. Love how and where you can love – start there. Thank you.
There is no failure,, not if we can hold on to our desire to find love. Sometimes that is enough. There is a Jewish story I read once about a rabbi whose prayer always protected his community. After his death, people wanted to continue his prayers but as each generation passed they forgot more and more of what he'd done and how he'd done it. Finally all they could remember was where he'd gone to pray--and that was enough, the story says. I'm not sure I've recalled it exactly but I remembered it ...
There is no failure,, not if we can hold on to our desire to find love. Sometimes that is enough. There is a Jewish story I read once about a rabbi whose prayer always protected his community. After his death, people wanted to continue his prayers but as each generation passed they forgot more and more of what he’d done and how he’d done it. Finally all they could remember was where he’d gone to pray–and that was enough, the story says. I’m not sure I’ve recalled it exactly but I remembered it when I read your comment and wanted to share it.
I can think of no other response to all this violence and suffering than to state my love this way:
To my friends in the LGBTQ community: I love you. To my gun-toting friends: I love you. To my friends who've immigrated from elsewhere: I love you. To my friends who feel afraid, angry, and misunderstood: I love you. To my bleeding heart friends: I love you. To my friends who've messed up big time: I love you. I love you because I know you. I love you because of our commonness and differ...
To my friends in the LGBTQ community: I love you. To my gun-toting friends: I love you. To my friends who’ve immigrated from elsewhere: I love you. To my friends who feel afraid, angry, and misunderstood: I love you. To my bleeding heart friends: I love you. To my friends who’ve messed up big time: I love you. I love you because I know you. I love you because of our commonness and differences. I know you as good, kind-hearted, principled people. I know/love you, imperfections and all, as you know/love flawed me. I know you would not harm me or my loved ones.
I wish I could pitch a big ole tent and host a party where you all could meet each other and discover your beauty, tell stories about your lives, how you got your names, what you cherish, what poems speak to you, what music moves you, what food you like, what places in the wilderness call you home.
All this so you could see how easy it is to cherish you.
Your pal, KKB
Outrage, even pain and sadness, will lessen. We must all love because it is basic and mindfulness of that will always serve us well. It will be fed by our gratefulness.
Love fiercely – it is the least we can do to honor those who are no longer with us.
Write an entry in your private gratefulness journal
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