Well, since no one else said it, I shall. ????

Myself.

I find that I am often the person I push the hardest and show the least grace. I get angry with myself for my limitations in ways I never have with another. I have, over the years, shown the least compassion to myself.

This is why my lessons in my need for self-compassion were not easy and why it must be viewed as a Practice.

In becoming more able to open my heart to my own flailings and faults, I grow ever better at opening my heart to others, to seeing the oneness we share. When I am able to treat my own pain with love and care, I am far better able to extend a loving hand to others who might be struggling, too.

How lovely to come in and see a few who have been absent posting updates, though still there are more missing. Even when we do not post daily, I find myself thinking of you folks, offering a prayer here or there, and holding space for you in love and light.

Has anyone heard from Diane or Pilgrim? I wonder if this weather is getting them down a bit with the up-down, cold, and now snow with a cold north wind.

In truth, it got me a bit today. I had great plans for catching up on my Happiness Course, but a sulky headache rather sidelined me. I have been drinking herbal tea and taking it easy. It seems to be lifting some, so I came in here. Online earlier was just too bright and made my eyes tired, too.

I am grateful not to have to go anywhere today. The wind is blowing snow between the storm door and house door again, and even the dog that loves cold and snow was ready to come inside again quickly. The one that got suckered to go outside along with him was looking at the door mournfully and reproachfully in moments, and the one who sees no reason for hanging about in the cold when one has a pellet stove stayed inside altogether! Brrrr!

Isn’t it amazing how something as small as a headache (this is small compared to Anna’s) can make gratitude a bit of a struggle for the moment? They just make one feel dismal. Thus, instead of revelling in the beauty of the snow, I must admit my first response was not pleasure. In truth, I felt much more like writing some more grumpy winter haikus!

But when I look at HOW I get to experience this snow and cold — from inside, under a fluffy blanket, with hot tea, a pellet stove merrily clinking away, and access to indoor plumbing, it changes things. For those blessings, indeed I am grateful.

May your spirits be filled with warmth, sunshine, beauty, and laughter this day/night!

Dear Pilgrim, it is so nice to see you! (Waves slightly north and westward and blows a kiss)

I am so sorry your hand is painful. Have you tried acupuncture? I don’t know what the issue is, but a friend of mine avoided surgery on her wrist with acupuncture, I think for a ganglion cyst or something like that. It might not be indicated for your particular issue, but a good acupuncturist will generally tell you what he/she can and cannot help. For instance, when my acupuncturist friend in Maryland broke her elbow quite badly, she needed it set, of course, but she was out of the cast two weeks early and surprising her doctor thanks to doing acupuncture for the break. He had been a bit more pessimistic as to her outcome as she was in her 60’s at the time.

I am so glad you liked the Dale Carnegie book. He has such old-fashioned horse sense, and he was saying things that are now “new” but doing so all that time ago. It struck me so much that if he wrote that during the time of Hitler and just after that it was probably pretty powerful stuff and thus especially helpful for any current politically based fears.

Have you found Frederick Buechner’s work yet? He is another I think would resonate with you. I’d start with “Listening to Your Life” as a nice book of 366 daily snippets, but “A Room Called Remember” was quite powerful.

Have you read Michael Singer’s The Untethered Soul? In it, he talks of how our thorns persist until we let them emerge, and if we don’t, our lives revolve around attempting to make our life proof against people touching our thorns! It was one of those moments for me when I read and sort of said, “Well, huh. That explains a lot!”

OH! Another book — The I Hate to Cook Cookbook by Peg Bracken. Lots of easy recipes, but really, it is more for the humor. She also wrote one called, “A Window Over the Sink” that is quite funny. I think you would like her. She may be hard to find as she wrote in the 1960’s I think, maybe into the 1970’s.

If you will permit me, dear Pilgrim, I think perhaps you underestimate your effect and purpose just as you are — not as you used to be, not as you want to be, but just as you are. I know that I value the wisdom you share with us here and am appreciative of your perspectives and unique voice.

This is something I struggle with, too, not because of retirement but because I have spent so long in the isolation of illness and lack of employment in the outer world. I will admit that there are times it has felt like a fishbowl with me as the fish, watching the rest of the world go about its oxygen rich business as I swim in circles and try to learn contentment. HA! (bloop bloop bloop)

H0wever, as I progress in healing from this last decade plus of stress and trauma I am learning to allow myself to look at it differently, with more self-compassion.

I mean, goodness sakes. I look at the list of what I have been through and am appalled. My first reaction if someone ELSE told me they had been through all that would be complete compassion, so it needs to be my reaction for me as well.

I know your list is also NOT small. You, too, have been through MAJOR stresses and life changes in the past 5-10 years, with retirement being just one biggie on the list.

I know for myself I have been tempted to pin my bouts of ennui or struggle on this or that aspect of the past decade, but the truth is that it ALL had an effect. That stuff adds up.

So maybe it is simply that you are still in a time of recovery from it all and that your life purpose in this new phase of your life will unfold before you in its time when conditions are right, as will mine. We’re just not quite there yet.

Perhaps your life purpose is like one of those exquisite folded flowers made of tea leaves whose new form can only reveal its beauty when the leaves swell with new water and warmth. Initially, it may look like just a knot of dry leaves, but that is not the truth of what lies within that form. Maybe you just need time, warmth, and an attitude of curiosity and anticipation to see what unfolds!

Love and Peace to you, dear Pilgrim.

I was just reflecting recently, Kevin, on my fourth grade teacher. She was a gentle lady with a southern accent who never raised her voice at us. She simply asked with such respect and kindness that everyone wanted to please her! Being in her class was a seminal experience for me, showing me that those in power need not be harsh, cruel, demanding, or derisive but that far more could be accomplished with a loving attitude. She and a couple other similar souls helped show me a different way to live, such that I did not follow in the footsteps of my abusers.

Again I find myself saying not to underestimate the power of love to heal! The work you do with those children has the potential to impact far beyond imagining.

Did you know that expressions of secure attachment from a spouse or life partner actually has the power to sort of rewire the circuits that fire expecting reasons to fear or mistrust? Love really does heal.

I say this from a background of a hard childhood and many years of physical illness and emotional challenges because of it. My husband’s support on multiple levels has been life-giving and irreplaceable. He has had to learn to listen instead of trying to fix, but he has also learned a lot of things can be fixed or at least helped with a good hug.

In other words, do not underestimate the power of listening, loving, and reassuring.