I am tempted to reply, “Want a list?”

Perhaps what I need to let go of is the idea that letting go is a destination, a place I am trying to attatin.

I have leaned towards thinking of my letting go as a To Do List rather than a Process, that if I could tick the items off as I let them go, then I would eventually get where I wanted to go.

But it is not a list. It’s not even a Path, at least not a path with an end! Rather, letting go is a lifelong Process of becoming, one that never ends. It may ebb and flow, with more to let go of at certain times, but there will always be something new to learn — and thus something old to let go.

Oh, yes! I found that quote some years ago and was struck by its aptness. I do not think I realized at the time how many locked rooms my castle had, though!

I, too, have been grappling with the coping mechanism of “figuring things out.” I learned it well, and letting go of it is like severing a limb!

Not only did it give me a measure of what felt like control in an uncontrollable situation, it was how I assessed emotions and the dynamic of the day so I could be as safe as possible in a threatening place I could not escape. The ability to assess, avert, avoid, or diminish fall out was an essential coping strategy.

Unfortunately, it gave me the illusion that I had some form of power or control over, well…anything! And I didn’t. So now I am learning to take appropriate control of matters that are actually mine and then let go of the rest.

It has taken me many years and challenges to sand off those edges, and it is still going on. It is actually something I am grateful for in this last awful smash up with my parents — I think how little control I have, and never did have, over all of that mess has finally sunk in!

One of my other prime skills that I am working on losing is Disassociation. I have been the Queen of shoving off emotions I dared not feel, taking them into my physical body so I could keep walking forward and smiling on the outside. Unfortunately, that made my body a deposit account for pain. ????

So as we reach these locked rooms and turn the key, listening to the grinding squeak of the rusty hinges as the door swings wider, we must indeed love our way into the answers in our hearts.

And I think, perhaps, that Self-Compassion, or learning to see myself through the eyes of the Divine who ever views me with unending Love and Grace, is the key to those doors!

That sounds like a variation on the practice Michael Singer speaks about in The Untethered Soul. He mentions leaning back into the seat of the soul that is quiet and peaceful while observing the emotions instead of being swamped by them.

I think this idea clicked most when an old James Garner movie came to mind. It is called “Support Your Local Sheriff,” and in it his character has this wonderful facility for moving through every situation, no matter how chaotic, without getting dragged into it. There is a beautiful and very funny scene that demonstrates this when he is eating and a fight breaks out.

His reaction to watching the melee around him with perfect calm and a refusal to get involved is priceless — and very instructive to me!

Grateful to see you in here, Manda. How are your arms doing? What are they saying to you now? Do they hurt you when you knead your wonderful breads or only when you compute at work?

One of my hopes for our new home will be a spot we can walk safely with the dogs. We are on a road out in the country, but it is a 55mph road where people only go that if it is bad weather — or if the Sheriff is set up at the propane place half a mile up from us. I spent too long in the city to feel comfortable walking alongside a road like this with no sidewalk! ???? (Especially with a huge dog who likes to chase away trucks from his side of the fence.)

I got so desperate for a walk the other day that I made circuits in the house!