I just read the inspiring article by the Gratefulness Team about making Thanksgiving more meaningful and it is filled with wonderful suggestions and I plan to share it with family and friends. I also read a beautiful poem this morning that is in the public domain. The poet is Paul Laurence Dunbar and I have pasted it below. The the gratefulness team’s words and this poem are both stretching my heart to love bigger.
It’s all a farce,—these tales they tell
About the breezes sighing,
And moans astir o’er field and dell,
Because the year is dying.
Such principles are most absurd,—
I care not who first taught ’em;
There’s nothing known to beast or bird
To make a solemn autumn.
In solemn times, when grief holds sway
With countenance distressing,
You’ll note the more of black and gray
Will then be used in dressing.
Now purple tints are all around;
The sky is blue and mellow;
And e’en the grasses turn the ground
From modest green to yellow.
The seed burrs all with laughter crack
On featherweed and jimson;
And leaves that should be dressed in black
Are all decked out in crimson.
A butterfly goes winging by;
A singing bird comes after;
And Nature, all from earth to sky,
Is bubbling o’er with laughter.
The ripples wimple on the rills,
Like sparkling little lasses;
The sunlight runs along the hills,
And laughs among the grasses.
The earth is just so full of fun
It really can’t contain it;
And streams of mirth so freely run
The heavens seem to rain it.
Don’t talk to me of solemn days
In autumn’s time of splendor,
Because the sun shows fewer rays,
And these grow slant and slender.
Why, it’s the climax of the year,—
The highest time of living!—
Till naturally its bursting cheer
Just melts into thanksgiving.

What a great article with life-giving ideas. I thought the gratefulness team and your readers might enjoy a poem that is in the public domain “Merry Autumn” by Paul Laurence Dunbar:
It’s all a farce,—these tales they tell
About the breezes sighing,
And moans astir o’er field and dell,
Because the year is dying.
Such principles are most absurd,—
I care not who first taught ’em;
There’s nothing known to beast or bird
To make a solemn autumn.
In solemn times, when grief holds sway
With countenance distressing,
You’ll note the more of black and gray
Will then be used in dressing.
Now purple tints are all around;
The sky is blue and mellow;
And e’en the grasses turn the ground
From modest green to yellow.
The seed burrs all with laughter crack
On featherweed and jimson;
And leaves that should be dressed in black
Are all decked out in crimson.
A butterfly goes winging by;
A singing bird comes after;
And Nature, all from earth to sky,
Is bubbling o’er with laughter.
The ripples wimple on the rills,
Like sparkling little lasses;
The sunlight runs along the hills,
And laughs among the grasses.
The earth is just so full of fun
It really can’t contain it;
And streams of mirth so freely run
The heavens seem to rain it.
Don’t talk to me of solemn days
In autumn’s time of splendor,
Because the sun shows fewer rays,
And these grow slant and slender.
Why, it’s the climax of the year,—
The highest time of living!—
Till naturally its bursting cheer
Just melts into thanksgiving.

I have been privileged to have many mentors but a video my grandson posted today on Facebook inspired me to write about my step-father. This is what I wrote:

My grandson who is 23, posted an awesome video on Facebook this morning about a third grade dropout who was an awesome father. It prompted me to send him a message about his maternal step-grandfather, my mother’s second husband,who he was not privileged to know because passed away before he was born.
My step-father, my grandson’s Grandpa Byrd, entered my life when I was about 5 years old. He was dating my Mom after my parents separated and my father had filed for a divorce. It was 1947 and memories of WWII were still uppermost in everyone’s mind. Lots of folks were struggling to make ends meet. With two small children to feed, my Mom had been taking in other folks’ laundry before the war ended and had turned our living room into a sleeping room, renting it to a single woman who worked at the local military installation. In this way, she could be at home to care for us and still bring in extra income.

She and this soft-spoken gentleman who was often at our back door with much-welcomed groceries was a country boy from southern Oklahoma. He was kind and in retrospect, it was obvious that he was in love with my Mom and totally willing to embrace her young children. I was to learn as I got older that his education had been quite limited. He only went to second grade and the only book he attempted to read was the Bible.

The video my grandson posted was a commencement speech and the speaker shared that his father had been forced by life’s circumstances to drop out of school after the third grade and work in the fields just like my step-dad. Just like my step-dad, he made his living as a cook.

It appears that in both cases, the speaker’s dad and my step-dad did not let their circumstances hamper their growth as human beings. They both embraced life fully. As the speaker told his audience. My dad was a “man.” His lack of opportunities that we take for granted did not prevent him from loving deeply, learning daily and growing wise.

He did his best as did my step-dad and I know today, that when we do our best, it is always enough. The news is filled with powerful-highly-educated-men who to my way of thinking have never grown up. It is a reminder that power and success are not the measure of what the speaker and I would call a “man.” Wisdom is seldom the result of a formal education. It is the result of learning from experience and being willing to let every person, place and thing be your teacher.

I share a very recent experience that addresses what I recently learned about acceptance and what makes it enough.

I was in a lot of discomfort when I arrived at “Lotus in the Pines” yesterday to get a massage. I was experiencing a lot of physical and emotional stress. My massage therapist is a very spiritual woman and seeing her regularly is one of the many blessings in my life.

As she worked to bring relief to my tense body and racing mind, she coined a new word! She was working diligently to get a muscle to release in my lumbar area and in an attempt to get me to place my leg in a position that took strain off of a muscle in my buttocks, she had me bend my knee and draw that leg up.

As she explained why that was necessary for her to work on loosening the muscle that was tight and challenging a vertebrae in my spine, she said something about “h-open-ing” and quickly stated that without realizing it she had created a new word! She shared that this often happens to her and what she meant to say was “opening.”

I replied, “What a wonderful word. It’s a blend of hope and open—“hopening.” I thought to myself, for me it screams “trust…trust the frustration…trust the current discomfort…trust the challenge it offers…trust the process you are currently experiencing.” I applied another of her sayings, “Relax and Release.” The muscle let go!

This weekend, I watched an episode of Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday in which she conducted an interview with Eckhart Tolle, author of “The Power of Now” and “The New Earth.” He said, “Accept what is happening as if you chose it.”

I’ve decided to take his advice because it does make it easier to “trust the process of grateful living. ” It does make it easier to remain open and willing.

I love the word “H-OPEN-ING.” Why, because it opens me to being in this moment and this moment. And, I know that in the moment that my beautiful friend and masseuse uttered it, she was a willing instrument of this mysterious thing we call “grace.” Something I like to call the “Yes of the Universe.”

Blessings always and all ways, Carol

This journey called life is not necessarily about understanding everything. It is about accepting “what is” in each moment so life can breathe us, comfort us, teach us to live each question, solve each difficulty, be an instrument of the peace that is beyond our finite understanding.. There is one energy that keeps this world turning. It beats in my heart and it beats in your heart. It is you and I who color it with judgment, limit it with fear, or trust it to teach us the wonders of love.

When we realize what it means to be fully human,
we will manifest divinity.
When we realize what it means to be fully human,
we will move from longing to belonging,
knowing we are neither
separate from
or
superior to
the rest of creation.
Journal entry from 2009

This question reminds me of a true story. I was in Newark NJ many years ago visiting a friend and I wanted to see a Broadway show but found it intimidating to take a bus into New York City, find my way to Broadway and the theatre so she very graciously took time off from work so she could take me on my Broadway adventure. When we arrived at the extremely busy bus station in Manhattan, we saw an elderly couple (in their 80s)getting off a bus from Queens. They were both very nervous and seemed overwhelmed and so my friend asked them if she could help them. They explained that they were in Queens visiting their son and he had planned to bring them to New York to see the musical “Forty Second Street.” But he had unexpectedly been called into work that day and insisted they go without him, putting them on the right bus and giving them directions to the theatre district. We told them we were headed that way and we would help them find their theatre. We also offered to stop by their theatre after the matinees let out as they all last about the same time but they declined. They felt sure that they would be able to find their way back to the bus station. After the show, we were returning to the bus station and saw them a short distance in front of us. As we entered the station, they were on the escalator and the gentleman was shaking violently. I was afraid he was going to fall. I said to my friend, “Maybe they should have stayed in Queens.” She didn’t skip a beat. She looked at me in disbelief and said, “And miss the show???? ” Even if you’re shaking in your boots, it’s not worth missing the show. I’ve never forgotten that incident especially since I struggle with anxiety after every turn. I’ve missed a lot of opportunities in my life due to psychological fear but not any more. I don’t want to miss the show.

What am I willing to let go of in order to be a little more free and/or happy?
My reaction to this question is also a question: Do you want to be free or happy? I want to be free. I have a wish for all of us and that is to remember (to quote Br. David) that our motivator is either “fear or trust.” That identifying the difference between hopes and hope is very necessary. To paraphrase Br. David: Hopes are something we can imagine with our finite minds but hope is about the unknown. It requires trust. We constantly engage in self talk—filling our mind with regrets about what we can no longer DO or feverishly seeking and trying to find happiness through someone or something. Might we be putting LIFE on hold? Br. David speaks of “BEing Joyful” instead of seeking happiness. Try “doing” joy. It doesn’t work. Life is for living not taking. It is for letting not getting. I think of the song, “Me and Bobby McGee.” It goes: “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose. Nothing ain’t worth nothing but it’s free.” I remind myself often that LIFE is FREE. It is a mysterious gift. When I allow my self-talk to shackle my mind with shoulds and woulds and coulds, it’s hard to let life BE. I know today that life is not about performance. It is an evolutionary process and it is trustworthy. In my experience, the willingness to let go is about the willingness to trust–to “lose control to the Spirit.” This is very different from being in control or out of control. It requires moment to moment mindfulness and monitoring of my self-talk. I share a poem I wrote in 1995 when I desperately needed to be willing to trust, to let go of everything.

Wings of Willingness by Carol Ann Conner (1995)

You too can fly. But that cocoon must go! Anonymous

The Butterfly awakens inside the cocoon – TRAPPED.
Her wings imbedded in her sides – CHAINED.
Her mind is reeling – AFRAID.

Every circumstance says she can’t move.
She bargains; she pleads. But at last, she lets go.
The power of surrender surges through her.

Little by little, the darkness begins to fade into light.
She’s learning to trust.
At last, she’s embracing true freedom.

Her prison begins to crumble.
Her wings begin to spread.
SHE FLIES!

Some of us build cocoons from the inside out,
And the only way to shed them is to let go.
No amount of digging, scratching, or pushing can remove them.

Only letting God send those who can comfort and guide,
Only letting God peel off one layer at a time will constitute real change.
Transformation is God’s business. Willingness is mine.

When I can truly let God be God,
My wings will spread and I will discover that
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ABLE TO FLY!

Deepak Chopra speaks of the process of transformation in and through the ‘Dark Night,’ [of the soul] that we are now enduring in the world; he adds that many of us are also experiencing it within ourselves. He indicates that it could be compared to the different stages of a caterpillar’s transformation into a butterfly.

He describes how the caterpillar spins a cocoon around itself and dissolves inside the cocoon into a featureless grey gunge (sticky, slimy or messy semi-liquid substance); he compares this grey gunge to the chaos and confusion of the ‘Dark Night,’ a chaos and confusion that is also pregnant with new possibilities, pregnant in fact with the experience of the caterpillar’s birth as a butterfly that is genetically and physically as different from the caterpillar “as a bicycle is from a leer jet.”

Their pluses and their minuses but without fail, their strength and I call on it frequently. If you haven’t seen the movie, “Amistad,” I encourage you to do so. There is a powerful quote that I felt in my bones while watching the movie several years ago. In an attempt to prepare him, John Quincy Adams tells the leader of the African slaves that when he argues their case for freedom in front of the Supreme Court, he will be the only friend the slave leader has in that courtroom. The young but wise leader of the slaves says, “That is not true. I will have the strength of my ancestors. I will call on them and they have to come.” I call on the strength of my ancestors often and in the religious tradition in which I was raised, they are known as the Communion of Saints.

I was reading the October Newsletter from demo.gratefulness.org early this morning and was quite moved by the poem below and wrote a reflection on it. Then I opened today’s Word of the Day: “We are each other’s harvest; we are each other’s business; we are each other’s magnitude and bond”: and the quote was saying what I wrote in a nutshell. Then I read today’s question and said, I have to share thepoem I read and the reflection I wrote so here it is:

Autumn. By Susan Whelehan posted on demo.gratefulness.org October Newsletter 2017

What is that silent “n” all about anyway?
It should be dropped
quietly, like a leaf.
And the “m” should be doubled
or tripled or more—
so it becomes a hum:
a comforting, steady mantra of trust and change.
Autummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

One of the joys of being retired is the luxury of savoring one’s mornings.
No rush to get dressed and off to work.
The luxury of early morning quiet time or the choice to sleep in;
The joy of sipping instead of gulping a cup of coffee or tea
The time to discover things like Susan Whelehan’s poem about Autumn.

Autumn is a fruitful time of harvest and a challenging time of letting go.

If you are fortunate enough to live where there are four distinct seasons, the trees will teach you the value of vulnerability as they shed their leaves in a blaze of glory.

If you live in the farm country, the fields of golden wheat, the stalks of sugar cane, the root crops, the apple and pecan trees will shower you with the fruits of the farmers’ labor.

I can hear the hum of harvest, the song of letting go of what no longer serves me? Can you?

I’m reminded of the difference, the wisdom of how nature teaches us the importance of giving in not giving up. Are you?

I’m committed to the wonder of preparing for the winter frost with the warmth of a compassionate heart. Will you join me?

I hope so as I really don’t want to do it alone.

I was deeply moved by the meditation Br. David led in 1975 and was also prompted to write about the quote of the day below.

The hope that is left after all your hopes are gone – that is pure hope, rooted in the heart. Br. David Steindl-Rast

I have never been extremely fond of the word hope. For me, hoping and moping seem to walk hand in hand because I relate my hopes to shattered dreams.

It seems to me that hope is always about the future or the past. “I had hoped to ___________ or I hope I can___________.

What might Br. David be referring to when he says, “…after all your hopes are gone…”? Is the key word in that phrase: “your.”? Is their a difference between …”pure hope” and “your hopes”? Might that be the key?

Perhaps, your hopes and my hopes originate in the egoic mind not the heart. Br. David says, “…pure hope is rooted in the heart.”

Perhaps pure hope is not tainted with personal wants and needs. It’s the hope that comes from surrender. It says, “Here I am—warts and all. Let my wounds serve the greater good, Root my fragility in a pure heart; Fill me with the evolutionary hope that transcends my finite and egoic mind.”

Blessings, Carol

I was up before dawn; had a cup of coffee; ate a couple of apples with some hummus and took my morning walk in heavy fog for which my aging skin rejoiced as the moisture caressed it. I live in Louisiana and another hurricane has come ashore along the gulf coast. The north central part of the state is not affected. We had one thunderstorm and now fog. But, the south eastern part of the state, the Mississippi and Alabama Gulf Coast are experiencing flooding. I ponder on how difficult it would be to be grateful when you have lost your home and all of your belongings. It’s so easy for me to be grateful today–grateful that I’m high and dry. My ability to be grateful is not being challenged from without but in recent months, a storm has raged within and remembering to notice and to acknowledge things I am thankful for has helped me to weather the storm. It has helped me to own my thoughts and feelings so I can be healed and be more willing to be a “wounded healer.” It’s easy to get lost in the inner battle and keep others at a distance but it’s not healthy or healing. It has reminded me that vulnerability is not weakness. Barbara Brown Taylor’s latest book, “Learning How to Walk in the Dark,” has been very helpful to me. Without darkness, there can be no light. You can’t have one without the other..

Everywhere and here is why:
“Hildegard (of Bingen) is a wonderful example of someone who lives safely inside an entire cosmology, a universe where the inner shows itself in the outer, and the outer reflects the inner, where the individual reflects the cosmos, and the cosmos reflects the individual. Hildegard says, “O Holy Spirit, you are the mighty way in which every thing that is in the heavens, on the earth, and under the earth, is penetrated with connectedness, penetrated with relatedness.” [3] It is truly a Trinitarian universe, with all things whirling toward one another from orbits, to gravity, to ecosystems, to sexuality.” Richard Rohr

Good Morning, Richard Rohr is discussing the mystics this week and I lifted the above quote from yesterday’s email meditation. Richard chose to use the word Trinitarian because the essence of trinity is an understanding that all relationships are Trinitarian. In Christian terms, the Father begets the Son and that relationship produces the Spirit. Three is not a crowd. It is a relationship!
In my youth the Spirit was called the Holy Ghost which might have been a better term because we as human have difficulty acknowledging this inter-connectedness. It’s like a ghost we sense but do not see. My mentor used to say, “Carol, you are here on this earth to integrate your insides and your outsides.” Can you picture that in the terms of the Rohr quote? Can you entertain the possibility that the chaos in the world is related to our inability to accept responsibility—our inability to respond instead of react to whatever situation arises?
Every relationship births something. For example: Our current president has decided to call the leader of North Korea “Rocket Man.” He has threatened to wipe North Korea off the map. North Korea’s leader has sent a response, calling that a “declaration of war.” They are in a fear-filled, reactionary need to control the outer with little respect for the inner—for LIFE itself.

Rohr says, “Hildegard of Bingen wrote in her famous book, Scivias: “You understand so little of what is around you because you do not use what is within you.”

And what is within us? What kind of a relationship are we fostering between our inner and outer world? Are we open? Are we willing? Are we calling on the depths of our being which already know that Life is trustworthy and We are Life? Are we consciously working on integrating our insides and our outsides? That my dear friends is being authentic, that is choosing Life.

I’m reminded of a old hymn that I find myself still humming today:

Come Holy Ghost, Creator blest, and in my heart take up Thy rest.
Come with Thy Grace and heavenly aid to fill my heart which Thou has made,
To fill my heart which Thou has made.

Many years ago, I was meditating and I had an experience I shall never forget. The inner voice spoke into my left ear and said, “I am with you always.”

Then, I heard footsteps coming down the hallway toward my bedroom and a tall man with a priestly collar walked in the room and sat down. At the time, my life was filled with inner and outer struggle and I asked him to tell me where I would find the answer to my unrest.

He said, “You already have the answer.”

My heart leaped. I said “Where is it? Is it in the house? Is it in a book in the bookcase? Where will I find it?”

He said, “It is within you.” Then he disappeared.

It has taken many years for me to realize what a gift his words were. My egoic mind wanted an answer from the outside when I was born with the answer on the inside but at that time found it too difficult to own.

Simply put: If you doubt that you are creator as well as creature then I urge you to meditate everyday. It can be as simple as pausing before you rise in the morning and speaking from the heart:

“Be still and know that I am God.” Repeat it several times while you share the breath of life with the Universe. I guarantee it will help you become mindful instead of full of mind, responsive instead of reactive, fearless instead of fearful. You will grow and know yourself and others more authentically.

Blessings, Carol

I hear you and hope that instead of giving up you can give in. There is no way to do this perfectly. Each day claim the strength of the moment and ask yourself, What do I need to do today to take care my self and still move this divorce process onward. Take tiny steps. Think of faith as a verb and know that small actions are fine. Watch out for compulsive doubting. This I know from experience. There is a part of us that has never been afraid and we can call it forth. I remember when I was told that by my mentor. I chose to believe and to call that part of myself forth and let her pick me up and comfort me. She helped me understand that there was self-talk going on in my head that was not healthy. We all seem to have a saboteur. I would picture her telling him (in my case the sabateur was male…are we suprised!!!) to sit down and be quiet. Then I would picture her picking me up like you would a child and telling me that together we could make it. We are told that we were created in the image and likeness of God. We have God’s DNA and we can call it forth to comfort us. May you Breathe this strength and wisdom with every breath. Remember the mind can be a dangerous place. Invite the part of you that has never been afraid to accompany you when going there.

Antoinette, I, too, had to negotiate a divorce settlement many years ago and it is so painful to face the father of your children and accept that he does not feel any obligation to you or his off spring. Your last sentence may hold the key to finding some semblance of .peace in this process. You speak of stepping out of your fear. When fear is my motivator, I find it impossible to live in the moment, to be present to the Presence which always has my back. When I dwell in the past or find myself worrying about the future, I find myself alone because the strength I need, the grace I crave, is only available in the NOW. Don’t be afraid of making a mistake. Don’t be afraid of your proposal being rejected and claim wisdom moment by moment. I decided long ago that it is God’s will that I deal in reality. What is Is. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. What avenue is best for your health? Without your health, where will you and your children be? Can you withstand a court battle? Can you live with the judge’s decisions? Above all else, have compassion for yourself. Tell your children you love them often. Hug them. Kiss them goodnight. Take time to breath deeply when ever your thoughts own you. Believe that life is trustworthy and do your best. That is always good enough. Sending life-giving energy your way.