On a physical level, generally the food! We used to live in a multicultural and very transient area, and there were myriad ethnic restaurants, festivals, and so on. While the cultures were often different from mine, I loved getting to experience the “flavor” of other cultures. We once attended a Greek Festival where they treated everyone who came as part of the family. It was awesome!

I grew up as the minority in a predominantly African American community, so I learned early to appreciate and accept difference. I now live in a predominantly white community out in the country, and I am amazed at how difference scares people into believing what just isn’t true.

Hmmm…maybe we all need to meet around the table — everyone bring a dish of their own specialty to share, and all you need is an open heart to sample something different and learn to celebrate those differences.

It makes it easier to forgive and hold someone with kindness when you realize that someone else probably feels as lost, alone, and scared as you sometimes do. We ALL have those moments, and being willing to admit that to ourselves and realize its truth in others helps build a bridge of understanding. This does not always mean that we can be in direct relationship, of course, because that part takes two. It does, however, give us the tools to help free ourselves through forgiving, releasing them to their journey while we travel our own.

If it helps any, I see forgiveness not as a destination we arrive at but rather as a path we choose. It is an overall choice from which more choices follow, but all moving in the direction of freedom and forgiveness. Our pain tends to go on in layers and come off in layers, so we sometimes find we have to choose to forgive again and again. Did it mean we failed to forgive those other times? No, I don’t believe so. I think humans simply do things in layers.

I’d also like to add that forgiveness is not about coming to a point where you give someone another shot at you. Sometimes that is simply inappropriate as a response to that person or their behavior. It is about choosing to free ourselves, though, and that can be a lifelong task, depending on the depth of the hurt inflicted.

I’m working on it, too, Gina. There are so many of us on this path together! 🙂

When a very dear friend of mine was going through cancer treatment, I was part of the roster of folks who loved this couple and were honored to help with driving to and from. There was a card used to check in when you entered the building, letting the office know you were there and headed to the appt. One day while sitting and waiting for her to be done, I looked around and saw everyone else holding a card just like the one I was holding for her. Then it hit me how alike we all were, that everyone in that room was there because either they or someone they cared about had cancer. It was a sobering but connecting moment.

A passage in Brene Brown’s book Rising Strong mentions her coming to grips with the question of whether she did, in fact, believe that everyone really was doing the best they could with the resources they had on hand at the moment. She then added that question to her study at the time asking that question of participants. What she found was that whether the answer to the question was right or wrong did not matter. What mattered was the effect the belief had on the attitude of the person believing it. If I believe that everyone really is doing the best that they can, it makes my world a kinder, gentler, more loving place, even if nothing changes.

Oh, how funny! You mentioned something that my husband and I had to work through in the early years of our marriage. He would always say, “What did you do?” when something happened or I said ouch or oh no, and so on. It took a bit of me saying we needed a better way, but eventually he caught on that HE liked “What happened?” a whole lot better than “What did you DO?” 😀 The energy of the question is completely different. One leaves room for being human, because we are human and things just happen sometimes. The other is a judgmental reaction to missing an unattainable perfection that leaves no room for breath let alone being human!