I think perhaps I can best explain it through nature. We have a tree on our property that is likely original to the house, and thus over 150 years old. This tree has seen many storms, sometimes losing pieces of itself along the way. However, the sun always comes out again, filtering through its greenness like stained glass windows. It’s roots are like being grateful in that they give us something to hang onto when the storms blow through, as they do through every life. Feeling grateful is more like the sunlight through the branches, that comes and goes depending on the weather of the day. While we cannot change the weather, we can dig deep and hang on, knowing the sun will come out again.

I probably do have everything I need, basics wise and a few perks, to boot. And I am very grateful because it was only a short while ago when this was a much scarier proposition for us.

That said, we are also in a time of transition and change, with some major mountains to climb, which makes it harder to focus on the fact that our needs are met. It is too easy to look at what remains to be done rather than what has been done or is being done. We sweat the smaller things, losing sight of the most important needs of all that are abundantly met: we are Loved, held, supported, and encased in Love; through humans or animals, in the arms of beautiful nature, and over all, in all, through all, with the overarching Love that the Divine has for us.

So what would I do next if I could wrap my brain around the concept that I really do have everything I need? Well, I might relax more and not worry so much!

Remember, too, Mary, that you are not alone in this quest! My husband and I (to name only two!) are also working at change and sometimes not feeling happy with our progress.

It’s rather like untangling a necklace sometimes, I think. We see an end result we don’t like and wish to change, our “knot” if you will. Then we have to trace back every little strand and knot that goes to make up the whole snarl, separate the parts, and hold them gently as we unsnarl the next bit. Pull too hard or go too fast, and the snarl reacts by getting tighter and more snarly.

That is the part I am rather bad at, really, but I am working on it, pulling too hard too fast, being impatient rather than giving myself grace and space to change. I am grateful to see the need for change, though, since without it I would just keep doing what is not working for me at all! ????

I wish you all the best. You are SO not alone!! ????

Oh, dear Mary, you are not alone. Even the Apostle Paul used to lament that the good he wanted to do he didn’t do and the bad he didn’t want to do was what he did!

Do please leave room in all of it for grace and compassion toward yourself as well, though. I am learning that self-compassion is a huge key to getting any positive changes we make to stick.

Self-compassion is not something I have ever done very well at all, and what I am finding is that my old ways will not work anymore. I applied the old patterns of my Inner Drill Sergeant to my healing work as well, plowing through it as if I had to get acres of oats planted before sundown using only a three legged horse.

In reality, I have gotten further faster by allowing the change to happen and loving myself along the way rather than demanding that it, and I, get with the program. My life is changing for the better and doing so more quickly the more I am learning to be kind to myself.

I don’t know if this helps. Maybe it is the difference between deciding to go to bed at X time so that you can store up enough energy to do all your tasks the next day well versus setting the loving boundary of going to bed at X time, snuggling with the cats and the husband, and sleeping that set number of hours so that you will be rested, nourished, replenished, and healthy. Both accomplish getting sleep, but the first puts the emphasis on what others needs while the second puts the emphasis on what you need.