Daily Question, November 29 If I could give up the need to be right, what might change? 37 Reflections Share Click here to cancel reply.Please log in or Create a Profile to post a comment. Notify me when someone replies to my comment via e-mail. Barbara7 years agoBarbaraI want to share with you a wonderful poem which I translate from german (my mother tonge): The place where you are right At the place where you are right flowers will never blossom in springtime. The place where you are right is trampeld on and hard like a courtyard. But doubt and love loosen the soil like a mole, like a plough. And a whisper becomes audible at the place where the house stood that was destroyed. Jehuda Amichai 2 Reply Anna7 years agoAnnaThis is truly wonderful, Barbara, thank you for sharing this poem. Danke. 0 Reply Bhumika7 years agoBhumikai will become an empty vessel so open to learn, listen and absorb what the world has to offer. the Ego will take a set back though! 2 Reply elizabeth ward7 years agoelizabeth wardI might become a better listener able to appreciate who others really are and what they have to offer to me. I might become richer as a consequence of focusing outwards on the other. 2 Reply Kaaviya7 years agoKaaviyaEverything. No rules. No limits. That is what will change, my whole life. 2 Reply Barbara7 years agoBarbaraMy ego wouldn’t be so tired. 8 Reply Ed Schulte7 years agoEd SchulteSmiling here, Thanks Barbra! :-) because you are pointing to an aspect of the "Feeding the Wolf" in the articles section of Gratefulness website. In it Ferial Pearson explains that "Every evening in quiet meditation I think of things I am grateful for. Then with my children, we do something called High "Low Hero.High Hero"...which .means you think of your high for the day, your low for the day, and who was your hero for the day, and why. Then we try to tell our heroes that they were our her... Smiling here, Thanks Barbra! 🙂 because you are pointing to an aspect of the “Feeding the Wolf” in the articles section of Gratefulness website. In it Ferial Pearson explains that “Every evening in quiet meditation I think of things I am grateful for. Then with my children, we do something called High “Low Hero.High Hero”…which .means you think of your high for the day, your low for the day, and who was your hero for the day, and why. Then we try to tell our heroes that they were our heroes. Kind of teaching them that they should look out for and what they should be thankful for every day.”…… The wise practice is effective simply BECAUSE the egoism of the present-day personality is tired ( of itself mostly ) and then that is just the right opportunity for the ‘Self’ ( capital “S” ) which Br David writes about so often, (which is the Truth Selfhood aka “Christhood” ) within which never gets tired, or angry, or proud, etc etc …to come and have a loving conversation with the “tired” egoism …It can ask egoism…”what did you say that you shouldn’t have said”…”what didn’t you say that you should have said”………and on to ……did do /didn’t do ……….did feel/didn’t feel. It is the opportunity for a real house clearing t happen. The ego is tired therefore defenceless and that makes it the perfect time to catch it, remind it what it is and isn’t. It can feel that it to is part of something much greater and that it can put down its defensive behaviour and become a partner with its Greater Self. Read More1 Reply Aine7 years agoAineMy perceived stress level would automatically lower because I would no longer have to fight to defend my point of view or right to be right. I could allow and decide rather than defend and fret. 2 Reply Malag7 years agoMalagThis is something I’ve been working on for a few years: a work in progress. I often catch myself not only wanting to be right but wanting to show that I am right. There’s a light feeling for me in letting that go. When I do I can be much closer to the other person. 6 Reply Kaaviya7 years agoKaaviyaSo true. Thank you for sharing. 1 Reply Patito7 years agoPatitoTendría más paz y calma, me pondría en los zapatos de los otros 3 Reply Aine7 years agoAineSi! ❤️ 0 Reply Doreen Nixon7 years agoDoreen NixonI would become more compassionate and less egotistical. I would experience a more heart centered existence. 4 Reply Elizabeth M Jones7 years agoElizabeth M JonesToday I give up my need to always be right. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I know I always try to do the best I can but so do other people and I need to see that. My ego will shrink for a start and I will give others room to grow and to shine. That will be a good thing. 3 Reply Jenn7 years agoJennIf I could give up the need to be right, than I might be able to listen with a more open mind and try to truly understand the other’s position. Since the election, that’s been especially difficult for me, because I just don’t understand the other side. Maybe I could understand them better if I gave up the need to be right. 4 Reply Aine7 years agoAineYour response made me consider. Thank you. I think much of our need to be right is connected to fear, and the election brought this up with an earthmover for many. People on both sides were already fearful, told to be even more fearful, and then the media and election kept throwing buckets of kerosene on every lit twig of the fear fires. Result? A mess. Perhaps giving up the need to be right would diminsh fear and thus help us all work together for a better world, regardless of who is in... Your response made me consider. Thank you. I think much of our need to be right is connected to fear, and the election brought this up with an earthmover for many. People on both sides were already fearful, told to be even more fearful, and then the media and election kept throwing buckets of kerosene on every lit twig of the fear fires. Result? A mess. Perhaps giving up the need to be right would diminsh fear and thus help us all work together for a better world, regardless of who is in office. It is nigh on impossible for us all to work together with fear screaming in our ears, but we really all want the same basic things. We just have many different ideas on how to go about it, I think. Read More2 Reply Hot Sauce7 years agoHot SaucePerhaps, if I gave up the need to be right, I would be more willing to listen to the insights of the other political party. I am still struggling with this since this last election, but there might be some useful insights from the other party’s values that I might not have thought of. Getting rid of the need to be right will certainly help me listen more to others, especially those with whom I disagree, and learn wisdom from them. 3 Reply Erich6177 years agoErich617I was thinking about your response today. I have been active to varying degrees in--or at least aware of--electoral politics in the U.S. (where I live) most of my adult life. The value of being civically engaged and aware has always been drilled into me, and for years I seemed to find a balance that worked for me personally at that time. Recently, I have begun to find myself worn out by the vitriol. I have also had personal issues that demanded more of my time, so I have stopped seeking out n... I was thinking about your response today. I have been active to varying degrees in–or at least aware of–electoral politics in the U.S. (where I live) most of my adult life. The value of being civically engaged and aware has always been drilled into me, and for years I seemed to find a balance that worked for me personally at that time. Recently, I have begun to find myself worn out by the vitriol. I have also had personal issues that demanded more of my time, so I have stopped seeking out news coverage for the past few days. Today I received some emails from different political organizations warning of very dangerous steps being taken by the opposition party that would hurt people financially. Now, this might very well be the case. Perhaps what these politicians are doing will negatively affect people’s finances. I am not an economist, so I can’t really say. I do know that nobody–even economists–can forecast the future with great accuracy. I also know that all politicians rely on voters to keep their jobs. If a politician truly believed that their plan would genuinely hurt people financially, why would they advocate for it, knowing that they could be voted out of office? I am aware of the myriad explanations commonly offered in response to this question (corporate interests, lobbyists, the media, etc.). But I am also aware that, if the U.S. presidential election or the Brexit vote have demonstrated anything, it’s that–in electoral politics–voters do still have power. So, taking a step back, these politicians could be just plain evil and actively trying to hurt people without concern for their own political interests, but that doesn’t seem likely to me. In all my experience, I have never met anybody I considered just plain evil like that. The other alternatives are that they are doing what they believe is going to be advantageous for them and their constituents. Perhaps this is will not be beneficial for everybody–but I don’t know of too much that is. So, returning to the emails I got, why did these organizations preach fire and brimstone, instead of saying, “The opposition party believes that it’s plan will be beneficial for them and their constituents, but we disagree based on this evidence”? If I had to take a guess (and I genuinely don’t like attributing motivation to others), I would say it’s because their jobs are to motivate me to vote a certain way, donate money to their cause, or take action on behalf of their agendas. In the U.S., the White House, Senate, and House of Representatives have all changed hands in as many permutations as I think are possible in the 17 years I’ve been of voting age. So I have to believe that that will continue. It’s an industry that is built on this process, the same way that advertising is built on making people believe that purchasing a particular product will fill a need. After the last election, my mother kept saying that she couldn’t understand how anybody voted for the other party’s presidential candidate. I asked if she believed that people truly were voting for the candidate or just down party lines, and she said that she assumed they were voting for the candidate and that candidate’s platform. So I asked my mother which parts of her party’s candidate’s platform and the only answer she could give was something vague about helping families. I am reminded of a quote from Einstein that I heard paraphrased recently (which is to say that I will get it wrong), “Why count on the same level of reasoning that caused the problem to solve the problem?” Read More1 Reply Hot Sauce7 years agoHot SauceEh...the hard thing about that though is I really feel like the other party just wants to get more money by appealing to their base, and I feel like the people who voted for them genuinely hate anyone who thinks, acts, or looks different from them. I've talked to some of these people, and it's hard for me to hear what they say when a lot of it is just spewed hate, and I think these politicians know damn well what they're doing and know that it's their own interests, not those of the people, but ... Eh…the hard thing about that though is I really feel like the other party just wants to get more money by appealing to their base, and I feel like the people who voted for them genuinely hate anyone who thinks, acts, or looks different from them. I’ve talked to some of these people, and it’s hard for me to hear what they say when a lot of it is just spewed hate, and I think these politicians know damn well what they’re doing and know that it’s their own interests, not those of the people, but then again, it’s hard to know. I just try to have faith that it’s all part of a process of love and that there is no one to blame. Maybe it’s all just a role-play. I don’t know. Read More0 Reply Erich6177 years agoErich617Yes, I can understand that. In my experience, having direct personal interactions has been helpful, but that may not be the case for everybody. I am reminded of something a Buddhist friend told me, “The goal is to love all of humanity, but you don’t have to start with the person assaulting your family.” 0 Reply John Turner7 years agoJohn TurnerI heard someone once say: “Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?” That’s a brilliant sentiment, because it again comes back to humility. In other words, the “right” thing is more important than my own sense of superiority. And that’s made me realize that, once again, I’m not the center of the universe. 6 Reply Malag7 years agoMalagThanks John. This is the phrase that immediately came to my mind also. That I don’t need to be right to be happy; that sometimes trying to be right leads to unhappiness. There’s a lightness for me in letting go the need for being right. 1 Reply Erich6177 years agoErich617The need to be right was deeply, deeply ingrained in my by my mother. Years ago, I was talking to her about a conflict with her sister, and my mother said that she couldn't understand why her sister was acting the way she was. I suggested that my mother try taking her sister's perspective, and she said, "Why would I want to be wrong?" Recently, I was discussing vegetarianism with my mother. I haven't eaten meat in several years, and she told me that being vegetarian is too difficult. I told h... The need to be right was deeply, deeply ingrained in my by my mother. Years ago, I was talking to her about a conflict with her sister, and my mother said that she couldn’t understand why her sister was acting the way she was. I suggested that my mother try taking her sister’s perspective, and she said, “Why would I want to be wrong?” Recently, I was discussing vegetarianism with my mother. I haven’t eaten meat in several years, and she told me that being vegetarian is too difficult. I told her that I didn’t understand how she–somebody who has never tried to stop eating meat–could tell me–who has not eaten meat for many years–how difficult it is to do. She escalated the conversation to an argument over this point, determined to stand by her reasoning. I have worked for many years to eliminate this need in myself and have found that it has opened me up to new people and new experiences. Today, however, I noticed a homeless person on the bus–his clothes dirty and tattered, his skin crusted and flaky, his only possessions strung together tightly enough to carry. I was irritated by his presence because he was blocking the aisle, and his odor pervaded the bus. I was responding to him–another person simply trying to get around town–as an intrusion on my comfort, as though my use of the space was right and his wrong, his mere presence wrong. I realized that this response came from a place of defensiveness, of needing to justify myself, to be right and tried looking at him again with new eyes. What I felt was empathy, not sympathy or condescension, but the feeling that we are all in this together, trying to make sense of an arbitrary set of circumstances largely beyond our control. Perhaps that is what I will find by relinquishing my own egotistical defense mechanisms. Read More9 Reply Aine7 years agoAineAnd in seeing him as “another person simply trying to get around town” you gave him back some of his dignity. At least for that moment, in someone’s eyes he was an equal. Kudos. 0 Reply Palm7 years agoPalm– It may be painful. I think the need to be right is a way to avoid shame and pain – It may put me in the other person’s shoes, reducing the distance and separation between us. – I may accept things more as they are, which usually and paradoxicaly is more likely to lead to change – I may learn more 4 Reply Carol7 years agoCarolI associate the need to be right with the need to win. I’m reminded of a quote I heard many years ago. A twelve year old championship chess player said, “I learn more from my losses than I do when I win.” 4 Reply Angel Mendoza7 years agoAngel MendozaI would feel more at peace with myself and the world around me. 4 Reply Ed Schulte7 years agoEd SchulteIf I could give up the need to be right, what might change?The thinking mind’s idea of “right/wrong” As Shakespeare said, “Nothing is either right or wrong, but thinking makes it so.” I return to add something to this "Question of the Day". There is another dimension to it. This dimension is very prevalent in current North American News. Behind the right/wrong dilemma stands the mind condition of "Opinion". As the late Dr D. R. Hawkins loved to remind us, "All opinion is Vanity. ... If I could give up the need to be right, what might change?The thinking mind’s idea of “right/wrong” As Shakespeare said, “Nothing is either right or wrong, but thinking makes it so.” I return to add something to this “Question of the Day”. There is another dimension to it. This dimension is very prevalent in current North American News. Behind the right/wrong dilemma stands the mind condition of “Opinion”. As the late Dr D. R. Hawkins loved to remind us, “All opinion is Vanity. So taking the old saw / saying, “Everyone is entitled to their opinion”…..and converting it into Hawkins pointer….then…. “Everyone is entitled to their Vanity”… pretty much sums up current N. A. news media, social media etc etc Read More5 Reply Erich6177 years agoErich617I have repeated that Shakespeare quote more times than I can remember. (For anyone who is curious, it’s from Hamlet.) 0 Reply Ed Schulte7 years agoEd SchulteAnd I the Hawkins. So applicable for the current state of western mind. Quoting from Power vs Force " The gun and the nightstick are evidence of weakness; the need to control others stems from lack of power, just as vanity stems from lack of self-esteem. " "The mind identifies with its content takes credit and blame for what it receives for it would be humbling to the mind’s ego to admit that the only thing it is doing is experiencing, and, in fact only experiencing experiencing. The... And I the Hawkins. So applicable for the current state of western mind. Quoting from Power vs Force ” The gun and the nightstick are evidence of weakness; the need to control others stems from lack of power, just as vanity stems from lack of self-esteem. ” “The mind identifies with its content takes credit and blame for what it receives for it would be humbling to the mind’s ego to admit that the only thing it is doing is experiencing, and, in fact only experiencing experiencing. The mind does not even experience the world but only sensory reports of it. Ever brilliant thoughts and deepest feelings are only experience; ultimately, we have but one function: to experience experience. “ Read More0 Reply Aine7 years agoAineIs this the same Dr Hawkins who wrote Letting Go? 0 Reply Ed Schulte7 years agoEd SchulteYes , Sir Dr. David R. Hawkins, / Veritas Publishing 1 Reply Erich6177 years agoErich617That reminds me of the line (attributed to Rumi but actually from a translation by Coleman Barks that I find to be divergent enough from the original text that I would credit him first): "Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field, I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about." I have tuned myself out of a lot of media in the U.S. at the moment. That is not because I do not believe in being aware of the state of affa... That reminds me of the line (attributed to Rumi but actually from a translation by Coleman Barks that I find to be divergent enough from the original text that I would credit him first): “Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field, I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about.” I have tuned myself out of a lot of media in the U.S. at the moment. That is not because I do not believe in being aware of the state of affairs but almost because of it. In many ways, I am more engaged now than ever–socializing, volunteering, taking classes, working on projects, traveling with my partner. As devastating as the world might appear at the moment, I find abundance when I choose to engage with and be present in it. Read More1 Reply Ed Schulte7 years agoEd Schultecontinuing the poem to its end “Words, Ideas, even the phrase “Each other” Doesn’t make ANY sense.” Yes and Good call on attributing Barks as the “interpreter” although I am sure Rumi would appreciated this rendition of it too. As a Canadian I will stay out of commenting on specific geographic politics, we have bad examples of our own. And your choice of counterbalancing is much the same as mine. “Do-Be-Do-Be-Do”. Be Well and Be In the Presence always EdS 2 Reply Michael7 years agoMichaelI would be more able to listen more and be present, and respond more thoughtfully. 4 Reply Kevin7 years agoKevinI am not concerned in the least with needing to be right. That’s silly. I am interested in being part of a dialogue where opinions and viewpoints are expressed robustly and with conviction. Show me a person who works hard at scrubbing away any semblance of “being right” and I’ll show you the makings of a dull conversation. 2 Reply 1 2 Next » My Private Gratitude Journal Write an entry in your private gratefulness journal Get Started This site is brought to you by A Network for Grateful Living, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit. All donations are fully tax deductible in the U.S.A. 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