What could I say today that I have been wanting to say for a long time?

Today’s question resonates with me because I started the day feeling that I had something to say, but I am still processing it, trying to put my finger on it. I suspect it’s the synthesis of what I have been experiencing for a while, but perhaps that synthesis is not complete.
I am reminded of Rilke’s directive:
“Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything.”

I will share the experience that has led me here without any reflection. Perhaps others will draw some insight, or at least I will mark the question.

As I have mentioned in this space before, I live in the United States. If you are familiar with U.S. politics, you might know that the current climate feels very divisive. I will not say anything about my personal allegiances, but I will say that I do believe that the political process impacts people’s lives in very real ways. For that reason, I have always valued being politically involved, though I see the division created in our country by the two-party system as partially artificial and counterproductive.

Yesterday, we had an election in the U.S. that was seen as a bellwether, and I did some volunteer phone banking in the lead up. Yesterday, I also had the chance to participate in Burrito Project, a grassroots volunteer effort to make and distribute food to people living on the street. This is something I have done for many years now, and I was truly grateful for the experience last night.

Today’s quote (“Listen to your life…touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments and life itself is grace”) is so applicable to my experience. I do take satisfaction in helping others, but the reason that I am grateful for last night’s venture is that it was a chance to be engaged, to interact with people and my city in such unique ways. We deliver food to areas that empty out at night because that is where people on the street can sleep without too much disturbance (though there is still plenty). Just being present in that moment to experience everything around me is deeply fulfilling.

Normally, the leader of Burrito Project posts a thank you on Facebook honoring everybody who took part, and I take pride in that, so I checked Facebook when I got home (quite late) to see what was there. All the posts I saw from my friends were about politics, many vitriolic or anguished. One wrote, “This is a dark time for our country,” and it cut me like a knife in the heart. The world certainly didn’t feel dark, but here I was being told that it was. My experience was vanquished by this 50-word opinion rendered in pixels on a screen.