What is it that I no longer need now?

I no longer need my shell. That is the answer that came to me. So I searched for a photo of a different sea creature to be. Instead of a hermit crab or some other shell(ter)ed organism, I want to be like a sea star… wide open.

While searching online for a free starfish image (ironically, I found one on UnSplash), I circled back around to a very beautiful poem I remembered reading some time ago about the the sublime mystery and miracle of the formation of a shell (Fusiturricula Lullaby by Gjertrude Schnackenburg). Ahhh, and down the rabbit hole, or maybe in this case, the deep sea vent, I went.

Of course, how much does a profile image really matter to how one sees oneself? Isn’t it is only for fun? The much more important question to me is how to balance the need to push my self to be courageous/to grow the need to unconditionally accept myself for who I really am. Yes, I am an introvert, but isn’t that different than hiding out, than self-isolation?

Honestly, I am grateful for these ‘airy’ questions which distract me from much harder things in my life right now. And I am grateful for poetry. For one thing, it helps me feel not so alone in my strangeness. As Carl Sandburg described it, “Poetry is a diary kept by a sea creature who lives on land and wishes [s]he could fly.” I added the [s].

Oh! And of late, I am especially grateful for the lovely lovely poetry course, A Fierce and Enduring Gratitude, created by Dale Biron and offered by this network. Although it has ended, I am just warming up. Thank you, Gratefulness Team!

So I guess I’ll keep my beautiful shell for now, and maybe just try to crawl out of it more often to dry my wings in the sun and flap around a bit.