What can I look at with fresh eyes today?

Bree, I find such amazing people here. I am grateful for you ,as well. We all bring something to the table here, we support one another, even when we are not always present though want to be! There is only connection through compassion within the core group who are resonating with you.
It is so difficult dealing with your own pain and events that brought you to this place. I do not know how much you have been through, or what it means- I know a friend from childhood who has been through a most un-imaginable accident on her motorcycle. She and I spoke, she shared her many surgeries, over the course of 2 years, her P. T., her O. T., her faith and lack-there-of at times, her amazing partner who now may be not in the picture— people understand who have been there.
It is above and beyond my own experience, no comparisons.
My understanding of pain was for decades, clearly based on living with and/or near my best two friends in life. She was my closest friend since high-school, college, out of college, back in, marriages and loss of and birth of children.. We shared much of one another’s lives that was often around how she grew up and lived with often constant pain. Not me yet. Then it was her husband, constant pain and living in an active or often, not so much, life – I understand how it is different for us all. We can choose to reach out, as you have, and receive more help and I do believe it is the only way to help one cope. What they each experienced was unreal though my mind , as I was present, I listened and they to me, as they helped me through many life experiences that were 1st how to support a beloved one traumatized then injured through addiction, which then was not accepted as a disease. That was a huge lesson, also witnessing & supporting him through both good and health and the hardest of pain and losses; I learned a lot from them.
My past 15 or so years has been a gradual process dealing with a progressive degenerative disc disorder. Without others’ sharing and being so close as they dealt with life-long pain, I don’t know how I could have been able to learn to be kind to myself, to also be non-judgmental, to always seek best help and constantly being pro-active without over-aware of self! Whew, sorry, a long sentence to sum up a couple of decades. I am blessed that my passions are possibly helping me, as I believe that I can help heal myself, there are ways for each person. For me, it was initially physical activities, all kinds when able to, landing in yoga and mediation before my diagnosis; I have also worked with an outstanding counselor, who has an M. S. W. degree like my husband’s so I understand how much they are able to do for people rather than the also-necessary sometimes -psychiatrists — but she was a real Light Worker energy healer! I was so supported, helped, healed, learning how to find ways to live that helps me, and we shared a love for yoga and a desire for my deeper development of more time in meditation, plus the 30-45 min. of her body work- light work is based on , like Reiki but different , energy through God and only while in a safe protected environment I learned much about. I know it is possible to work on self-healing, I seem to have that ability uncovered already though many of us hold it! It’s based on what we know and learn about, through guidance, if we want to. She worked with me through many situations in life, including family difficulties, personal anxiety and depression, and also of course : pain. Do take good care of your self, and know that it is the only thing you or any of us can do- to be loving of self, and then of others. I wish you a good time ahead and healing. Remember you are loved, and love others- I need to be reminded of this, as well. I know that you will be constantly in many people’s good work and prayers, wishes, including my own..