Daily Question, January 12 When have I offered someone authentic forgiveness? What did I learn? 45 Reflections Share Click here to cancel reply.Please log in or Create a Profile to post a comment. Notify me when someone replies to my comment via e-mail. KC6 years agoKCI have no neat and tidy words for this, other than a genuine and deepening desire to keep learning and practicing forgiveness. It does seem to be getting easier. Perhaps it is a readiness. With the deeper hurts, it feels a bit like a spiral or labyrinth. Each turn around the circle, or sun, brings greater understanding, softening, letting go ... I hope to be one of those wisened elders some day with gentle eyes, a wide smile and relaxed demeaner, which speak to a well learned ability to f... I have no neat and tidy words for this, other than a genuine and deepening desire to keep learning and practicing forgiveness. It does seem to be getting easier. Perhaps it is a readiness. With the deeper hurts, it feels a bit like a spiral or labyrinth. Each turn around the circle, or sun, brings greater understanding, softening, letting go … I hope to be one of those wisened elders some day with gentle eyes, a wide smile and relaxed demeaner, which speak to a well learned ability to forgive, let go, move on… to shrug my shoulders if need be, and laugh heartily because I can! Read More2 Reply Carol6 years agoCarolI have had to forgive 2 brothers and my sister, and am so glad I did. In all 3 cases, I felt I had been wronged, but I took the initiative to mend the relationships. I learned humility - and also gained insight into how God loves and forgives me. I am grateful that I was open to forgiving them because two of them have died and the third has the same dementia that took our mother's life and that of two of my siblings. I am at peace, knowing that I surrendered to the power of love and forgiven... I have had to forgive 2 brothers and my sister, and am so glad I did. In all 3 cases, I felt I had been wronged, but I took the initiative to mend the relationships. I learned humility – and also gained insight into how God loves and forgives me. I am grateful that I was open to forgiving them because two of them have died and the third has the same dementia that took our mother’s life and that of two of my siblings. I am at peace, knowing that I surrendered to the power of love and forgiveness. Read More0 Reply Becca6 years agoBeccaI’ve been practicing this concept called radical forgiveness. Of course I must practice it on myself first, in order for it to be effective on others. And what I’ve learned so far is that it’s immensely challenging to forgive everything I do, say and think throughout the day. The hardest thing is to forgive everything I feel. However, it’s essential to my ability to give to others to for-give. After all give is inside the word! Not a coincidence. 1 Reply Doreen Nixon6 years agoDoreen NixonI have learn true compassion and love when I offer true forgiveness. It is the Oneness that this action brings to us that is the true gift. 1 Reply elizabeth ward6 years agoelizabeth wardI always write my answer before I read anyone else’s and then I read all the answers. Every one of them today was very helpful to me. Thanks everyone. Love to Eff and the terror cats. I had a terror cat once. Neighbours called him the baby faced assassin. 2 Reply elizabeth ward6 years agoelizabeth wardwhen did I offer authentic forgiveness? A long time after the event. What did I learn? The power of compassion for all weaknesses including my own. 1 Reply Always Learning6 years agoAlways LearningI have been working on forgiving myself. I have learned how important it is to be gentle with myself, and that when I do, life is easier and richer. 1 Reply Elaine6 years agoElaineThis new year has brought a gentle fresh new start with my sisters and me after over 5 years of brokenness. Forgiveness undoubtedly is the source of this new beginning. No words of forgiveness were shared and were not required. Rather it was a shift of outlook which emerged from a softening and spaciousness of heart. The path was made by Light and by lightness of being. 3 Reply Judith Miller6 years agoJudith MillerThere was a point when I realized that I could never be free to live my life fully unless I was able to release and forgive…and then one day, somehow, I found that I had done it. 2 Reply Francine Marie Tolf6 years agoFrancine Marie TolfI feel deeper and wiser for having read all of these offerings, all of which I admired and learned from. I will add only that – like family, love, fear, imagination, sex – forgiveness becomes more of a multi-layered mystery as I get older. I don’t pretend to understand it. 6 Reply KC6 years agoKCFrancine Marie, Thank you so much for your thoughtful and authentic words. A ‘multi layered’ mystery, so far beyond understanding. Yes… ???????????? 0 Reply Aine6 years agoAineMy deepest moments of forgiveness have been when I have had a glimpse of the truth and have seen myself looking out from another’s face. When I was aware enough to see my own pain at the root of my forgiveness-worthy behavior, I became better able to see another’s pain at the root of their behavior. When I was able to recognize the deep sadness I had for hurting others, I was better able to see the signs of another’s deep sadness for hurting me. When I became awakened to my own inten... My deepest moments of forgiveness have been when I have had a glimpse of the truth and have seen myself looking out from another’s face. When I was aware enough to see my own pain at the root of my forgiveness-worthy behavior, I became better able to see another’s pain at the root of their behavior. When I was able to recognize the deep sadness I had for hurting others, I was better able to see the signs of another’s deep sadness for hurting me. When I became awakened to my own intense need for compassionate release from my perceived wrongs, I could see that others need this as much as I do. I can hold someone with compassion even if their behavior is such that we can never interact again. I can free them, and in so doing free myself as well. Read More8 Reply Ursula6 years agoUrsulaThank you for that, Aine! I have had the grace of experiencing what you are talking about just a few days ago, and it is life changing! I long for my self compassion to grow! 0 Reply Barbara Morris6 years agoBarbara MorrisI love that. I will read it over and over. 0 Reply Springerlady6 years agoSpringerladyI have offered forgiveness to a family member – and learned that though offered it does not mean that it is accepted or that things will ever be the same. Sometimes you just have to let go and move on and trust that the Holy One will work in both your hearts to bring you peace. 3 Reply Aine6 years agoAineI agree. We are only responsible for us and our choices. We can do nothing about how it is received or where it goes from there. 4 Reply Javier Visionquest6 years agoJavier VisionquestForgiveness, whether toward ourselves or “another” and even more than meditation, is awakening the unconscious aspects of our hearts that still dwell in fear, resentment, and anger. Those situations and people that undermine our trust do so because they are asleep in the illusion that we are separate. Many lives, one love! 3 Reply Paula6 years agoPaulaI learned that the entire energy package was held inside myself, not “out there” 3 Reply Javier Visionquest6 years agoJavier Visionquestyou get it! 0 Reply Equanimity19706 years agoEquanimity1970I think I offered forgiveness to my parents for all the wrongs I felt I suffered at their hands in childhood after acknowledging the pain that it caused me and allowing myself to feel it. I can’t remember what they were anymore, and now the benefits are innumerable. I have a close loving relationship with them. I learned forgiveness can open your heart, and much of what I was holding on to was hurting me and holding me back from real closeness with others, not helping me in any way. 3 Reply Eva Liu6 years agoEva Liuwow! I don’t know that I have. I think the only person I can think of is myself. I spent a long time despising myself for the decisions I made and then one day, it was enough, and I had to choose. I don’t know if that is in the spirit of the question since forgiveness came at a slow and arduous process that I am still going through but maybe it’s a start? 4 Reply Aine6 years agoAineI struggled with this, too, I made some decisions that wound up causing me much suffering, and I fought to forgive myself. It took awhile, but I came to view my decisions, and myself, with more compassion. What had my "crime" against myself been, really, except to want to be loved by someone who could not be that for me? How could I blame anyone for wanting to be loved? It made it easier to see myself with compassion for wanting the love as well as the other people for being so damaged themselve... I struggled with this, too, I made some decisions that wound up causing me much suffering, and I fought to forgive myself. It took awhile, but I came to view my decisions, and myself, with more compassion. What had my “crime” against myself been, really, except to want to be loved by someone who could not be that for me? How could I blame anyone for wanting to be loved? It made it easier to see myself with compassion for wanting the love as well as the other people for being so damaged themselves as to be unable to give it. The combination helped me see more clearly, and I have been betrer able to let go of both the pain and the feelings of shame at the root of it all. Read More1 Reply niels6 years agonielshello Eva, I think it is in the spirit of the question – facing and accepting the unpleasant stuff and not turn away from it; and then work on a way to live with it. Same recipe for forgiving others imo. As Nancy said, it is not easy. Being gentle at heart is the common denominator it seems. Thank you for sharing! 1 Reply kathleen6 years agokathleen“authentic forgiveness” I’m not sure there is a way to tell how authentic it is because of the nature of forgiveness. Sometimes for me it feels really authentic until out of the blue previous feelings bubble up momentarily and I get an opportunity to be with those feelings while they last. I usually feel relieved and happier to have offered someone authentic forgiveness but it takes as long as it takes and to me every step along the way feels authentic. 3 Reply KC6 years agoKCSuch a thoughtful way to describe the journey. Thank you! 1 Reply Barbara Morris6 years agoBarbara MorrisUgh…I can’t believe this came up today. Last night I just had to ask for forgiveness for hurting my husband. (Full disclosure:And now I will intellectualize my situation because that’s what I do when I feel ashamed.) Biologist Edward O. Wilson says, and i paraphrase and probably oversimplify, that humans are one of only about 12 species on the planet who are both selfish and altruistic. It is this tug-of-war between the two instincts, self preservation vs. preservation of the community, t... Ugh…I can’t believe this came up today. Last night I just had to ask for forgiveness for hurting my husband. (Full disclosure:And now I will intellectualize my situation because that’s what I do when I feel ashamed.) Biologist Edward O. Wilson says, and i paraphrase and probably oversimplify, that humans are one of only about 12 species on the planet who are both selfish and altruistic. It is this tug-of-war between the two instincts, self preservation vs. preservation of the community, that causes so much internal conflict. If you are religious you may see it as good versus evil, but I think that doesn’t really allow for true self-knowledge, just condemnation. But as to the daily question: My mother is almost 84 and sick. In most ways she was not a good mother. I am still healing from my childhood. But her childhood was horrific, and so what she did to us was a matter of her own self-preservation. And that I understand. And that I forgive. You’d like your parents to be altruistic and unselfish when it comes to raising you, but life stirs us up, and it’s about balancing our own survival with the love we have for the people who are closest to us and most affected by our actions. I think understanding that may be the key to forgiveness. What did I learn? Maybe don’t take it so personally when you become collateral damage in other people’s selfish actions. If you love them, try to understand that internal struggle they are having. (Of course, set real clear boundaries so they know what you will not tolerate, and then don’t.) If you made it to the end of this, thank you. ☺ Read More5 Reply KC6 years agoKCThanks Barbara. I was not familiar with E.O. Wilson, and just listened to his TED talk – Advice to a young Scientist. Such a wise and thoughtful gentleman. That tussle, between self preservation and altruism does indeed seem to be at the root of forgiveness. Such a journey it is, to find and form new and deeper roots than the old stories and patterns that so often shape us. What a blessing it is to keep showing up, practicing and learning as we go! ????????… 2 Reply Barbara Morris6 years agoBarbara MorrisYes it Is! I am so glad I’ve come to recognize life as a beautiful learning experience, like a giant playground where we are all figuring out how to get along. 2 Reply Aine6 years agoAineLike the show Gilligan’s Island! It was a funny fluffy show in many ways, but it was a great societal experiment in others. Taking seven very different people, sticking them on an island, and making cooperation and caring the path to survival doesn’t sound all that different than life together on earth! (Only most of us have considerably less coconuts.) 2 Reply Barbara Morris6 years agoBarbara MorrisI lost all my coconuts a long time ago! 1 Reply KC6 years agoKCGreat metaphor! ???? 2 Reply Aine6 years agoAineMy husband and I both come from damaged parents, too, and it created what you might call complementary baggage in us. His damage often kicks off mine and vice versa. Ugh! We have learned through the process of screwing up and asking for forgiveness, though, and we're sure better at it than we used to be. It is not that we get it right all the time. Rather, we catch ourselves going down that street again and can change course better. Of course, it has only taken twenty seven years...maybe... My husband and I both come from damaged parents, too, and it created what you might call complementary baggage in us. His damage often kicks off mine and vice versa. Ugh! We have learned through the process of screwing up and asking for forgiveness, though, and we’re sure better at it than we used to be. It is not that we get it right all the time. Rather, we catch ourselves going down that street again and can change course better. Of course, it has only taken twenty seven years…maybe in another twenty seven we’ll have it down pat! Although, come to think of it, our friends who have bern married nearly that long would probably just laugh if they heard me say that! Read More3 Reply Ursula6 years agoUrsula🙂 Same is true for us! even the 27 years! 0 Reply Barbara Morris6 years agoBarbara MorrisI appreciate your insight. I was thinking I have to get it perfect, but maybe instead I just have to be grateful that I keep getting a little better at it each time. 1 Reply Aine6 years agoAineI have long labored under the taskmaster of "getting it right" or "getting it perfect." I approached forgiveness this way, too, like it was a key opening a door or a place you "arrived" at. After getting a bit scraped up for various reasons, I have come to believe that forgiveness, like healing, happens in layers, especially if the hurt or damage is quite deep, and is not a once-and-done kind of thing. Both forgiving and healing are not destinations but journeys, so "getting it right" si... I have long labored under the taskmaster of “getting it right” or “getting it perfect.” I approached forgiveness this way, too, like it was a key opening a door or a place you “arrived” at. After getting a bit scraped up for various reasons, I have come to believe that forgiveness, like healing, happens in layers, especially if the hurt or damage is quite deep, and is not a once-and-done kind of thing. Both forgiving and healing are not destinations but journeys, so “getting it right” simply means taking the next right step as best I can. And doing that is something to celebrate and give us cause to feel gratitude! Read More3 Reply Nancy6 years agoNancyI have found that when you can forgive it is yourself, the forgiver, who receives the greatest gift of forgiveness. I also know that forgiveness is not easy. 4 Reply niels6 years agonielsnot sure if I should vent my outlook here, maybe with the caveat that that is just what it is.... have I ever? A story about my dog Eef. She is from a dog rescue address. When I picked her up I was informed she had never been outside - she was three years old then. She adapted to her new live wonderfully. Eef is all about friendlyness and play. This also extended to cats alas. One day she was attacked by two cats up the street. That happened when Eef joyfully dived under a bush to join ... not sure if I should vent my outlook here, maybe with the caveat that that is just what it is…. have I ever? A story about my dog Eef. She is from a dog rescue address. When I picked her up I was informed she had never been outside – she was three years old then. She adapted to her new live wonderfully. Eef is all about friendlyness and play. This also extended to cats alas. One day she was attacked by two cats up the street. That happened when Eef joyfully dived under a bush to join them. Later I learned these were dubbed ‘terror cats’ as they used to attack dogs routinely. Eef came away with a scratch in the eye which thankfully healed with the help of our vet. The strange thing is what happened in the year following this incident. Of course Eef has been more cautious with cats since then. But Eef and the ‘terror cats’ ended up being good friends. At some point Eef just walked up to the boss cat and sniffed its behind – cat casually looking over its shoulder, not inclined to any kind of agression. Cats owner witnessed all this, her jaw literally dropped. Why this story? In human terms there would be ‘forgiveness’ somewhere. But it seems in Eef terms it is just about her frame of mind. She can’t help being the goodnatured soul she is. I think there is a lesson for me. If the attitude is right, ‘forgiveness’ can’t help but occur. Read More7 Reply Ursula6 years agoUrsulaThank you for the Story, Niels! Strangely, something similar happened to us (although I don't hope for a cat "attack"). We have "rescued" a dog recently and she is the most friendly being I have ever met! She even managed to "reconciliate" my neighbour who has hated me/ us for the past years and who is now extremely friendly with me (this has just been turning out 2 or 3 days ago). We have also met an "aggressive" cat which our dog kept away from, but in general I admire her friendliness... Thank you for the Story, Niels! Strangely, something similar happened to us (although I don’t hope for a cat “attack”). We have “rescued” a dog recently and she is the most friendly being I have ever met! She even managed to “reconciliate” my neighbour who has hated me/ us for the past years and who is now extremely friendly with me (this has just been turning out 2 or 3 days ago). We have also met an “aggressive” cat which our dog kept away from, but in general I admire her friendliness towards everyone, be it animal or human being, and her ability to turn nearly everyone in a smiling person!! She is even healing our family, I feel that and I am so very grateful for this! Read More0 Reply niels6 years agonielsThat is wonderful Ursula ????. Sounds a lot like Eef. Little miracle workers they are. Like you i am very grateful to have her in my life. 0 Reply Aine6 years agoAineThank You for sharing — and for rescuing Eef. Everyone here is a rescue, except maybe the chickens. Rescued is my favorite breed! 2 Reply KC6 years agoKCThanks Neil’s. What a beautiful story! Attitude indeed! ???????????? 1 Reply Barbara Morris6 years agoBarbara MorrisThat made me smile. Forgiveness is an attitude rather than an action. I love that! Thank you. 2 Reply 1 2 Next » My Private Gratitude Journal Write an entry in your private gratefulness journal Get Started This site is brought to you by A Network for Grateful Living, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit. All donations are fully tax deductible in the U.S.A. CONTRIBUTE https://demo.gratefulness.org/content/uploads/2015/03/GX-Gold-Participant-L.png Community Engagement Guidelines Privacy Policy [email protected] Connect with us on Social Media: © 2000 - 2024, A Network for Grateful Living Website by Briteweb
