What is inspiring me right now?

“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” Carl Gustav Jung

In the past few days, I have experienced what I call a “Blinding Glimpse of the Obvious.” Such a gift involves realization (getting real), feeling (feel to heal), owning (accepting but not blaming or shaming), giving-in not giving up so the energy this awareness fuels can lead to transformation.
I read a poem this morning by Sharon Dolan called “Evening Storm.” One line just reached into my heart: “There is a crest a recurring tall wave that comes for you.”

That wave describes perfectly what a “blinding glimpse of the obvious” is. That wave hit the beach of my heart last night and a ton of frozen anger began to melt. Fr. Richard Rohr says “What isn’t transformed is transmitted.” I would not want to transmit this frozen anger to anyone and I definitely don’t want it growing in my family tree!

Last night, I was pissed-off/fuming (no other expression works) and each cell in my body was releasing such a powerful energy that had been stored there for a long time. I felt like I was riding on a bucking bronco.

I was riding the energy of that wave. It was awesome. My eyes were on the prize. They were focused on my heart—the beautiful heart that faithfully beats tirelessly on my behalf. I’m still processing all of this but this I know. When one can get real, feel to heal, accept and own one’s anger, the frozen energy that has been used to blame, to shame, to stuff and turn feelings into a moral issue is freed. Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They just are and the sooner we can feel them and let them go, the easier it can be to heal and move on.

I know that my physical pain is more emotion than condition. Granted, I’ve got metal in my spine, scoliosis, hyper-mobility in my ribs but in my current fight and flight modality, I only aggravate these circumstances. I have to accept what I can’t change.
I know that nothing outside of myself can fix me. Others can help me; Others can be blessings in my life but shattered dreams are just dreams.
I know that there’s nothing wrong with dreams as long as they don’t own you. After all, dreams bring well being when my insides and outsides are integrated so I can choose to respond not react to life. However, when they are grounded in wants instead of needs, it’s time to ask myself if I’m looking for someone to fix me or make me feel better.

I know that allowing frozen anger to melt produces “living water.” As one of my Morning Meds readers says, “self flowing/pouring into Self.” What a wonderful definition for transformation.
I do not wish to leave this world without “self pouring, rushing, roaring, flowing into Self.” I want my soul to feed the Soul of Oneness, the Spirit of Wholeness.

Thanks for listening and helping me process this eye on my heart.

“And the disciple asked the Master to define spirituality and he said, “Awareness, Awareness, Awareness.” Anthony de Mello, One Minute Wisdom.

Blessings, Carol