My best friends encourage me to laugh and I love making my friends laugh too. There is no greater bond than sharing a laugh about some daily absurdity or even oneself. Friends don’t let each other take themselves too seriously. You can just be.
I can be a better friend by always saying hello to passersby and to people I know and letting my friends know when I go to events so I can take them with me.
This is a very hard one for me. I recently broke up with my best friend of six years, and I'm feeling very isolated in my life. I think the message for me this year is to learn how to present and loving for myself. I've wanted so badly to be first to everyone. To be the best, most lovable person. For people to want me. I've realized today even my spirituality has been based on being wanted more than others - this time not by humans, but by God (crazy, I know lol). So, I guess the best way I can ...
This is a very hard one for me. I recently broke up with my best friend of six years, and I’m feeling very isolated in my life. I think the message for me this year is to learn how to present and loving for myself. I’ve wanted so badly to be first to everyone. To be the best, most lovable person. For people to want me. I’ve realized today even my spirituality has been based on being wanted more than others – this time not by humans, but by God (crazy, I know lol). So, I guess the best way I can be a good friend to others (which I’m realizing I’ve never ever really been) is to be a good friend to myself. And to be honest – I have no idea how to start, but maybe writing this and recognizing this gaping hole in my heart is the first step.
Take care of myself, and give to my friends only what i can actually give so that I don’t become bitter and the relationship sour.
When with them give them my attention and remember to see their stories from their perspective without judging them.
The more I am able to be a good friend to myself, the more I am able to be a good friend to others. The poem ‘Please call me by all my true Names’ by Thich Nhat Hanh reminds me to be as honest and truthful with my self as I can – the good, bad and ugly, and to bring that honesty, awareness and patience to those I meet. This is the theory. The practice is breath by breath …
Many of my associations are accidents of proximity and circumstances. “Friend” is not a word I use lightly. But those I’ve chosen, the Noble Friend, you are a reflection of my deeds, my inner yearnings, my aspirations, my nascent possibilities. You uncover these aspects in me where as I do not perceive them, as a flame does not burn itself, nor a blade cut itself. When we see in a reflection something we don’t like, do we seek to transform the image in the reflection or do we correct the...
Many of my associations are accidents of proximity and circumstances. “Friend” is not a word I use lightly. But those I’ve chosen, the Noble Friend, you are a reflection of my deeds, my inner yearnings, my aspirations, my nascent possibilities. You uncover these aspects in me where as I do not perceive them, as a flame does not burn itself, nor a blade cut itself. When we see in a reflection something we don’t like, do we seek to transform the image in the reflection or do we correct the matter within ourselves?
I feel iritation in me with a question like today. It creates a gap between what is and what “should” be and that doesn’t feel good to me. It reminded me of a sign thats at the entrance to a village, it says “we’ve got it nicer here” and everytime I drive by there I feel a sting, why not say we’ve got it really nice here and you can drive on and feel, yes, its really nice here and where I live, it’s also really nice.
Dear Sylvie I love your honest and intriguing reply.
I believe that in the "here and now" of the daily life, every honest human beings behaves in the best way.
Yet every honest human beings knows that his/her awareness is always a work in progress. Today I understand boring aspects of some friends, more than in the past. So, I can be a better friend not because I am comparing my behaviour with others' one, but with mine, without pressure, without judgment. For me, mercy has always to be the ba...
Dear Sylvie I love your honest and intriguing reply.
I believe that in the “here and now” of the daily life, every honest human beings behaves in the best way.
Yet every honest human beings knows that his/her awareness is always a work in progress. Today I understand boring aspects of some friends, more than in the past. So, I can be a better friend not because I am comparing my behaviour with others’ one, but with mine, without pressure, without judgment. For me, mercy has always to be the basis of every effert to understand human nature.
Hope I have not annoyed you with this too much long reply….
Yes, mercy is the key to friendship dear Anna, as David Whyte said, and I agree with Aine that you always show it, thank you and Sylvie for this reflections
Years have taught me the wisdom of remembering that one friend can never be all things for me, and it is unfair to expect this. Maybe one friend really appreciates and supports my writing, for example, but is not a great listener. Maybe another makes me laugh and see new perspectives but isn’t the most dependable. Celebrate the good in friends and know you can go to various people for various needs.
I can be a better friend by listening to the other, by seeing the other, by quieting myself so that I can hear the other and not just hear and listen to me. For me listening is key.
by reminding myself constantly that I too am like my friends, deserving of kindness, love, patience, acceptance, understanding…….
practice doing unto my friends as I wish for myself…
how sweet the gift of a true friend
I’m pretty expansive in my definition of friend. i.e. I spend time each morning preparing myself to be a friend in the moment of need to as many people as possible each day. the moment of need could be listening to a story of humor, of horror, of pain, of joy and then if need be real strategies to work through that story towards a better outcome. time is valuable in any friendship. my close and longtime friends deserve more time and energy that is meaningful.
Recently I learned in a painful way that I need to say ” I didn’t like that” in the moment. If I dismiss my feelings or try to convince myself that it wasn’t a big deal anyway, my subconscious will come up with less than gracious ways, while I am completely unaware, to balance things out, which of course won’t.
Yes, I have trouble speaking certain feelings at the time! I think we’re conditioned (women especially) to say to ourselves, “it’s no big deal, let it go,” – but that is usually bad advice. If something hurts or angers or embarrasses you, SAY SO – then let it go. Believe me, at almost 60 years old, I am still trying to do this gracefully.
Thank you Francine, I think it is a good quality to pause before speaking but not to stay silent, so your words SAY SO in capital letters will be a good reminder for me when needed
My best friends encourage me to laugh and I love making my friends laugh too. There is no greater bond than sharing a laugh about some daily absurdity or even oneself. Friends don’t let each other take themselves too seriously. You can just be.
I can be a better friend by always saying hello to passersby and to people I know and letting my friends know when I go to events so I can take them with me.
This is a very hard one for me. I recently broke up with my best friend of six years, and I'm feeling very isolated in my life. I think the message for me this year is to learn how to present and loving for myself. I've wanted so badly to be first to everyone. To be the best, most lovable person. For people to want me. I've realized today even my spirituality has been based on being wanted more than others - this time not by humans, but by God (crazy, I know lol). So, I guess the best way I can ...
This is a very hard one for me. I recently broke up with my best friend of six years, and I’m feeling very isolated in my life. I think the message for me this year is to learn how to present and loving for myself. I’ve wanted so badly to be first to everyone. To be the best, most lovable person. For people to want me. I’ve realized today even my spirituality has been based on being wanted more than others – this time not by humans, but by God (crazy, I know lol). So, I guess the best way I can be a good friend to others (which I’m realizing I’ve never ever really been) is to be a good friend to myself. And to be honest – I have no idea how to start, but maybe writing this and recognizing this gaping hole in my heart is the first step.
Take care of myself, and give to my friends only what i can actually give so that I don’t become bitter and the relationship sour.
When with them give them my attention and remember to see their stories from their perspective without judging them.
Never be too busy to talk or to meet. Try to listen without being judgmental.
Listen.
Show up when possible
Walk.
Pray.
Listen some more.
Love unconditionally.
I need to learn how to be a friend to myself first… Only then I will be able to answer this question.
The more I am able to be a good friend to myself, the more I am able to be a good friend to others. The poem ‘Please call me by all my true Names’ by Thich Nhat Hanh reminds me to be as honest and truthful with my self as I can – the good, bad and ugly, and to bring that honesty, awareness and patience to those I meet. This is the theory. The practice is breath by breath …
Compassionate effort and honesty
I can be more honest with myself. How can I be honest with others if I am not honest with myself first?
Many of my associations are accidents of proximity and circumstances. “Friend” is not a word I use lightly. But those I’ve chosen, the Noble Friend, you are a reflection of my deeds, my inner yearnings, my aspirations, my nascent possibilities. You uncover these aspects in me where as I do not perceive them, as a flame does not burn itself, nor a blade cut itself. When we see in a reflection something we don’t like, do we seek to transform the image in the reflection or do we correct the...
Many of my associations are accidents of proximity and circumstances. “Friend” is not a word I use lightly. But those I’ve chosen, the Noble Friend, you are a reflection of my deeds, my inner yearnings, my aspirations, my nascent possibilities. You uncover these aspects in me where as I do not perceive them, as a flame does not burn itself, nor a blade cut itself. When we see in a reflection something we don’t like, do we seek to transform the image in the reflection or do we correct the matter within ourselves?
I feel iritation in me with a question like today. It creates a gap between what is and what “should” be and that doesn’t feel good to me. It reminded me of a sign thats at the entrance to a village, it says “we’ve got it nicer here” and everytime I drive by there I feel a sting, why not say we’ve got it really nice here and you can drive on and feel, yes, its really nice here and where I live, it’s also really nice.
Dear Sylvie I love your honest and intriguing reply.
I believe that in the "here and now" of the daily life, every honest human beings behaves in the best way.
Yet every honest human beings knows that his/her awareness is always a work in progress. Today I understand boring aspects of some friends, more than in the past. So, I can be a better friend not because I am comparing my behaviour with others' one, but with mine, without pressure, without judgment. For me, mercy has always to be the ba...
Dear Sylvie I love your honest and intriguing reply.
I believe that in the “here and now” of the daily life, every honest human beings behaves in the best way.
Yet every honest human beings knows that his/her awareness is always a work in progress. Today I understand boring aspects of some friends, more than in the past. So, I can be a better friend not because I am comparing my behaviour with others’ one, but with mine, without pressure, without judgment. For me, mercy has always to be the basis of every effert to understand human nature.
Hope I have not annoyed you with this too much long reply….
Yes, mercy is the key to friendship dear Anna, as David Whyte said, and I agree with Aine that you always show it, thank you and Sylvie for this reflections
Cara Anna, grazie for your heartfelt answer.
Your mercy always shows, Cara Anna.
Years have taught me the wisdom of remembering that one friend can never be all things for me, and it is unfair to expect this. Maybe one friend really appreciates and supports my writing, for example, but is not a great listener. Maybe another makes me laugh and see new perspectives but isn’t the most dependable. Celebrate the good in friends and know you can go to various people for various needs.
Absolutely! That is also my philosophy on friendships, Francine
Isn’t it wonderful to have variety. I feel the same way Francine. Thank you for sharing.
I can be a better friend by listening to the other, by seeing the other, by quieting myself so that I can hear the other and not just hear and listen to me. For me listening is key.
I need to be a better friend to myself. When I nurture, forgive and am compassionate to myself I am more likely to be a friend in the universe.
by reminding myself constantly that I too am like my friends, deserving of kindness, love, patience, acceptance, understanding…….
practice doing unto my friends as I wish for myself…
how sweet the gift of a true friend
I’m pretty expansive in my definition of friend. i.e. I spend time each morning preparing myself to be a friend in the moment of need to as many people as possible each day. the moment of need could be listening to a story of humor, of horror, of pain, of joy and then if need be real strategies to work through that story towards a better outcome. time is valuable in any friendship. my close and longtime friends deserve more time and energy that is meaningful.
Recently I learned in a painful way that I need to say ” I didn’t like that” in the moment. If I dismiss my feelings or try to convince myself that it wasn’t a big deal anyway, my subconscious will come up with less than gracious ways, while I am completely unaware, to balance things out, which of course won’t.
A lesson I am still working on but getting better at it for sure.
Me too Nancy, at almost 50
Perfectly said, Palm.
Yes, I have trouble speaking certain feelings at the time! I think we’re conditioned (women especially) to say to ourselves, “it’s no big deal, let it go,” – but that is usually bad advice. If something hurts or angers or embarrasses you, SAY SO – then let it go. Believe me, at almost 60 years old, I am still trying to do this gracefully.
Thank you Francine, I think it is a good quality to pause before speaking but not to stay silent, so your words SAY SO in capital letters will be a good reminder for me when needed
I can be a better friend by giving more of myself.
Deeply listening, asking questions, and then following up with a gesture or gift that lets them know I heard.
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