It puts me in a position to give everyone the benefit of the doubt all of the time. When you give someone that benefit it makes one inclined to aid the situation.
Patience is a virtue.
We have all been told this wise saying many times,, but when we use the practice of mindfulness and practice we learn how important patience really is.
Why is patience so incredibly vital to a happy life or the practice of loving kindness?
When I'm fortunate enough to have awareness rather than reactivity I see how patience, gratitude and loving kindness all contribute to a balanced life.
When we slow down and create space for a softening towards our lives and ot...
Patience is a virtue.
We have all been told this wise saying many times,, but when we use the practice of mindfulness and practice we learn how important patience really is.
Why is patience so incredibly vital to a happy life or the practice of loving kindness?
When I’m fortunate enough to have awareness rather than reactivity I see how patience, gratitude and loving kindness all contribute to a balanced life.
When we slow down and create space for a softening towards our lives and others we become more kind to ourselves and those around us.
Often in our fast paced society, we are quick to judge or snap because we feel we must always be on the move or “accomplishing” this that or the other thing.
How often to we really slow down and soften up?
Loving kindness and patience help us to see that others need our love.
Practicing empathy. It is innate in every human being. It can be lost in our parents taught beliefs and strategies to make us into what they wanted us to be and how they wanted us to be.
Understanding that practicing empathy for other people going through their suffering and struggles guides me to paying attention to their feelings and needs. A task of great effort sometimes. Remembering in the moment is worth the effort because it makes for emotional connection, and draws me into kindness.
I know this. I used to care more about the struggles of others..I still do, I just care from a distance after having spent over 30 years being burned by the struggling people who I tried to help. I've retreated to lick my own wounds. How to find the balance in this caring issue... it is my struggle. Like many compassionate people..I ignore my own suffering while attending to others and my suffering grows and festers. Finding how to care for myself while caring for others in a healthy way, witho...
I know this. I used to care more about the struggles of others..I still do, I just care from a distance after having spent over 30 years being burned by the struggling people who I tried to help. I’ve retreated to lick my own wounds. How to find the balance in this caring issue… it is my struggle. Like many compassionate people..I ignore my own suffering while attending to others and my suffering grows and festers. Finding how to care for myself while caring for others in a healthy way, without allowing them to wound me….trying to learn this.
Knowing this helps me to remember that there are various circumstances, choices, people, places, influences, and cultural factors that play into a person’s present life, and the choices they make currently are influenced by all those factors, so it is important to remember that the battles they are fighting are a mixture of experiences from a lifetime, and this can lead to well-intentioned or unintended mistakes.
It makes it easier to forgive and hold someone with kindness when you realize that someone else probably feels as lost, alone, and scared as you sometimes do. We ALL have those moments, and being willing to admit that to ourselves and realize its truth in others helps build a bridge of understanding. This does not always mean that we can be in direct relationship, of course, because that part takes two. It does, however, give us the tools to help free ourselves through forgiving, releasing them ...
It makes it easier to forgive and hold someone with kindness when you realize that someone else probably feels as lost, alone, and scared as you sometimes do. We ALL have those moments, and being willing to admit that to ourselves and realize its truth in others helps build a bridge of understanding. This does not always mean that we can be in direct relationship, of course, because that part takes two. It does, however, give us the tools to help free ourselves through forgiving, releasing them to their journey while we travel our own.
It makes a big difference to me to think of this when I am caught judging someone’s actions. We don’t know the events or battles that people face to cause them to do certain things. This space is kind and it allows us all to get along.
To keep this in mind helps to be more kind and respectful with the wounds and battles of the other and as well with my own ones. To meet everyone`s battles with respect, care and loving kindness is giving space to viewing the problems with compassion, including my own. This is work in progress and a very timely question for me. It opens the heart even wider, for the pain of the other and as well for being compassionate with myself, too. Starting from compassionate acceptance of the realizing tha...
To keep this in mind helps to be more kind and respectful with the wounds and battles of the other and as well with my own ones. To meet everyone`s battles with respect, care and loving kindness is giving space to viewing the problems with compassion, including my own. This is work in progress and a very timely question for me. It opens the heart even wider, for the pain of the other and as well for being compassionate with myself, too. Starting from compassionate acceptance of the realizing that everyone is facing some kind of battle, then this might be a starting point for a possible change. It is the awareness of our interconnection as well in this that helps, emotionally as well as in deeds, if support is required and welcome.
Good point, Ose, that we must meet our own battles with the same respect, care, and lovingkindness. Too often I find that I expect more of myself than I do of others and am harsher with myself for lapses or failures. What? I’m to be more than human?? Nope. I am learning that “only human” is quite good enough!
Well do I remember life with great difficulty! I wished someone, anyone would acknowledge my hardship. I am in a better place now, but remember the many who are not. By re-member-ing, for an instant, I share their burden and do not forget how it feels.
Thanks for sharing, dear Deb, and I fully agree, we all are sharing our burdens and I welcome the fact that I do not want to forget how this feels. It is the motivation to be the best I can be for supporting the other one, with my full heart.
whether it is simply living the day or working w others…a “what happened” frame of reference (without having to actually say those words) works better than a “what’s wrong w you/why would u do that!” reference point. any tools I can add each day to work thru the hurt, dig out of the past, live today as best as possible w gratitude is a blessing.
Oh, how funny! You mentioned something that my husband and I had to work through in the early years of our marriage. He would always say, "What did you do?" when something happened or I said ouch or oh no, and so on. It took a bit of me saying we needed a better way, but eventually he caught on that HE liked "What happened?" a whole lot better than "What did you DO?" :D The energy of the question is completely different. One leaves room for being human, because we are human and things just happe...
Oh, how funny! You mentioned something that my husband and I had to work through in the early years of our marriage. He would always say, “What did you do?” when something happened or I said ouch or oh no, and so on. It took a bit of me saying we needed a better way, but eventually he caught on that HE liked “What happened?” a whole lot better than “What did you DO?” The energy of the question is completely different. One leaves room for being human, because we are human and things just happen sometimes. The other is a judgmental reaction to missing an unattainable perfection that leaves no room for breath let alone being human!
As Kevin so beautifully wrote, “we all hurt… in our heads, or our hearts, or within our bodies.” Very often, the battles and the wounds are invisible. It can be hard to remember this especially when encountering angry people, arrogant people. I try at least to cause no more hurt and hopefully to apply the balm of kindness in whatever way I can. Even if it is simply practicing “the gentle art of blessing.”
A quote that has worked for me for many years is one that is often attributed to Plato: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
During my three decades of doing social work, my bottom line at the start of meeting each new person was tenderly holding the premise that people tend to speak from where they hurt. We all hurt and we all, in one way or another, are trying to get to a better place, in our heads, in our hearts or within our bodies. Keeping this in mind as I int...
A quote that has worked for me for many years is one that is often attributed to Plato: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
During my three decades of doing social work, my bottom line at the start of meeting each new person was tenderly holding the premise that people tend to speak from where they hurt. We all hurt and we all, in one way or another, are trying to get to a better place, in our heads, in our hearts or within our bodies. Keeping this in mind as I interact with people throughout the day, in each aspect of my life, has always helped to lower the battle shields with everyone I meet.
– Kevin
A passage in Brene Brown’s book Rising Strong mentions her coming to grips with the question of whether she did, in fact, believe that everyone really was doing the best they could with the resources they had on hand at the moment. She then added that question to her study at the time asking that question of participants. What she found was that whether the answer to the question was right or wrong did not matter. What mattered was the effect the belief had on the attitude of the person believ...
A passage in Brene Brown’s book Rising Strong mentions her coming to grips with the question of whether she did, in fact, believe that everyone really was doing the best they could with the resources they had on hand at the moment. She then added that question to her study at the time asking that question of participants. What she found was that whether the answer to the question was right or wrong did not matter. What mattered was the effect the belief had on the attitude of the person believing it. If I believe that everyone really is doing the best that they can, it makes my world a kinder, gentler, more loving place, even if nothing changes.
Thanks, Aine. Makes me realize I could spend hours thinking of the many ways where elements of human kindness in the face of everyday struggles of life intersect.
Oh yes, I pay attention to certain people who seem able to listen intently seemingly without effort. They have a certain of energy that seems different from most other people.
Wow, Always Learning indeed has a challenge. For me, I can get caught up in the superficial; but then remember that everyone has some kind of struggle and it brings me to compassion & empathy. Having faced so many struggles myself, I am uniquely suited to listen!
Indeed. My road is rocky but I have the “shoes” of faith, love, and gratitude. I am around people at dialysis who are very fragile, in pain, and are very afraid. I see their battles as metaphors for everyone else around me, and find that empathy comes to me to help me understand and respect them.
The saying “never judge another until you have walked a mile in their shoes” helps me get a better perspective of that other person’s journey, and to be more understanding and compassionate.
My mother went through dialysis for years, although I offered to sit with her, she always refused….the day she was told she would no longer able to receive dialysis was the day she had to face the horrible truth of dialysis and indeed my mom was very afraid….
very tough situation, many blessings to you
When a very dear friend of mine was going through cancer treatment, I was part of the roster of folks who loved this couple and were honored to help with driving to and from. There was a card used to check in when you entered the building, letting the office know you were there and headed to the appt. One day while sitting and waiting for her to be done, I looked around and saw everyone else holding a card just like the one I was holding for her. Then it hit me how alike we all were, that everyo...
When a very dear friend of mine was going through cancer treatment, I was part of the roster of folks who loved this couple and were honored to help with driving to and from. There was a card used to check in when you entered the building, letting the office know you were there and headed to the appt. One day while sitting and waiting for her to be done, I looked around and saw everyone else holding a card just like the one I was holding for her. Then it hit me how alike we all were, that everyone in that room was there because either they or someone they cared about had cancer. It was a sobering but connecting moment.
It puts me in a position to give everyone the benefit of the doubt all of the time. When you give someone that benefit it makes one inclined to aid the situation.
Patience is a virtue.
We have all been told this wise saying many times,, but when we use the practice of mindfulness and practice we learn how important patience really is.
Why is patience so incredibly vital to a happy life or the practice of loving kindness?
When I'm fortunate enough to have awareness rather than reactivity I see how patience, gratitude and loving kindness all contribute to a balanced life.
When we slow down and create space for a softening towards our lives and ot...
Patience is a virtue.
We have all been told this wise saying many times,, but when we use the practice of mindfulness and practice we learn how important patience really is.
Why is patience so incredibly vital to a happy life or the practice of loving kindness?
When I’m fortunate enough to have awareness rather than reactivity I see how patience, gratitude and loving kindness all contribute to a balanced life.
When we slow down and create space for a softening towards our lives and others we become more kind to ourselves and those around us.
Often in our fast paced society, we are quick to judge or snap because we feel we must always be on the move or “accomplishing” this that or the other thing.
How often to we really slow down and soften up?
Loving kindness and patience help us to see that others need our love.
Antoinette, I love this, we are taught to toughen up, so it’s not surprising that softening up is so needed in the world
thank- you, beautifully put, nice to remember
Practicing empathy. It is innate in every human being. It can be lost in our parents taught beliefs and strategies to make us into what they wanted us to be and how they wanted us to be.
Understanding that practicing empathy for other people going through their suffering and struggles guides me to paying attention to their feelings and needs. A task of great effort sometimes. Remembering in the moment is worth the effort because it makes for emotional connection, and draws me into kindness.
I know this. I used to care more about the struggles of others..I still do, I just care from a distance after having spent over 30 years being burned by the struggling people who I tried to help. I've retreated to lick my own wounds. How to find the balance in this caring issue... it is my struggle. Like many compassionate people..I ignore my own suffering while attending to others and my suffering grows and festers. Finding how to care for myself while caring for others in a healthy way, witho...
I know this. I used to care more about the struggles of others..I still do, I just care from a distance after having spent over 30 years being burned by the struggling people who I tried to help. I’ve retreated to lick my own wounds. How to find the balance in this caring issue… it is my struggle. Like many compassionate people..I ignore my own suffering while attending to others and my suffering grows and festers. Finding how to care for myself while caring for others in a healthy way, without allowing them to wound me….trying to learn this.
If I can alleviate someone’s suffering, then maybe someone’s selfish battle can turn into fighting not for oneself, but to benefit others.
Knowing this helps me to remember that there are various circumstances, choices, people, places, influences, and cultural factors that play into a person’s present life, and the choices they make currently are influenced by all those factors, so it is important to remember that the battles they are fighting are a mixture of experiences from a lifetime, and this can lead to well-intentioned or unintended mistakes.
It makes it easier to forgive and hold someone with kindness when you realize that someone else probably feels as lost, alone, and scared as you sometimes do. We ALL have those moments, and being willing to admit that to ourselves and realize its truth in others helps build a bridge of understanding. This does not always mean that we can be in direct relationship, of course, because that part takes two. It does, however, give us the tools to help free ourselves through forgiving, releasing them ...
It makes it easier to forgive and hold someone with kindness when you realize that someone else probably feels as lost, alone, and scared as you sometimes do. We ALL have those moments, and being willing to admit that to ourselves and realize its truth in others helps build a bridge of understanding. This does not always mean that we can be in direct relationship, of course, because that part takes two. It does, however, give us the tools to help free ourselves through forgiving, releasing them to their journey while we travel our own.
It makes a big difference to me to think of this when I am caught judging someone’s actions. We don’t know the events or battles that people face to cause them to do certain things. This space is kind and it allows us all to get along.
To keep this in mind helps to be more kind and respectful with the wounds and battles of the other and as well with my own ones. To meet everyone`s battles with respect, care and loving kindness is giving space to viewing the problems with compassion, including my own. This is work in progress and a very timely question for me. It opens the heart even wider, for the pain of the other and as well for being compassionate with myself, too. Starting from compassionate acceptance of the realizing tha...
To keep this in mind helps to be more kind and respectful with the wounds and battles of the other and as well with my own ones. To meet everyone`s battles with respect, care and loving kindness is giving space to viewing the problems with compassion, including my own. This is work in progress and a very timely question for me. It opens the heart even wider, for the pain of the other and as well for being compassionate with myself, too. Starting from compassionate acceptance of the realizing that everyone is facing some kind of battle, then this might be a starting point for a possible change. It is the awareness of our interconnection as well in this that helps, emotionally as well as in deeds, if support is required and welcome.
Good point, Ose, that we must meet our own battles with the same respect, care, and lovingkindness. Too often I find that I expect more of myself than I do of others and am harsher with myself for lapses or failures. What? I’m to be more than human?? Nope. I am learning that “only human” is quite good enough!
Well do I remember life with great difficulty! I wished someone, anyone would acknowledge my hardship. I am in a better place now, but remember the many who are not. By re-member-ing, for an instant, I share their burden and do not forget how it feels.
Thanks for sharing, dear Deb, and I fully agree, we all are sharing our burdens and I welcome the fact that I do not want to forget how this feels. It is the motivation to be the best I can be for supporting the other one, with my full heart.
whether it is simply living the day or working w others…a “what happened” frame of reference (without having to actually say those words) works better than a “what’s wrong w you/why would u do that!” reference point. any tools I can add each day to work thru the hurt, dig out of the past, live today as best as possible w gratitude is a blessing.
Oh, how funny! You mentioned something that my husband and I had to work through in the early years of our marriage. He would always say, "What did you do?" when something happened or I said ouch or oh no, and so on. It took a bit of me saying we needed a better way, but eventually he caught on that HE liked "What happened?" a whole lot better than "What did you DO?" :D The energy of the question is completely different. One leaves room for being human, because we are human and things just happe...
Oh, how funny! You mentioned something that my husband and I had to work through in the early years of our marriage. He would always say, “What did you do?” when something happened or I said ouch or oh no, and so on. It took a bit of me saying we needed a better way, but eventually he caught on that HE liked “What happened?” a whole lot better than “What did you DO?”
The energy of the question is completely different. One leaves room for being human, because we are human and things just happen sometimes. The other is a judgmental reaction to missing an unattainable perfection that leaves no room for breath let alone being human!
As Kevin so beautifully wrote, “we all hurt… in our heads, or our hearts, or within our bodies.” Very often, the battles and the wounds are invisible. It can be hard to remember this especially when encountering angry people, arrogant people. I try at least to cause no more hurt and hopefully to apply the balm of kindness in whatever way I can. Even if it is simply practicing “the gentle art of blessing.”
Amen
A quote that has worked for me for many years is one that is often attributed to Plato: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
During my three decades of doing social work, my bottom line at the start of meeting each new person was tenderly holding the premise that people tend to speak from where they hurt. We all hurt and we all, in one way or another, are trying to get to a better place, in our heads, in our hearts or within our bodies. Keeping this in mind as I int...
A quote that has worked for me for many years is one that is often attributed to Plato: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
During my three decades of doing social work, my bottom line at the start of meeting each new person was tenderly holding the premise that people tend to speak from where they hurt. We all hurt and we all, in one way or another, are trying to get to a better place, in our heads, in our hearts or within our bodies. Keeping this in mind as I interact with people throughout the day, in each aspect of my life, has always helped to lower the battle shields with everyone I meet.
– Kevin
A passage in Brene Brown’s book Rising Strong mentions her coming to grips with the question of whether she did, in fact, believe that everyone really was doing the best they could with the resources they had on hand at the moment. She then added that question to her study at the time asking that question of participants. What she found was that whether the answer to the question was right or wrong did not matter. What mattered was the effect the belief had on the attitude of the person believ...
A passage in Brene Brown’s book Rising Strong mentions her coming to grips with the question of whether she did, in fact, believe that everyone really was doing the best they could with the resources they had on hand at the moment. She then added that question to her study at the time asking that question of participants. What she found was that whether the answer to the question was right or wrong did not matter. What mattered was the effect the belief had on the attitude of the person believing it. If I believe that everyone really is doing the best that they can, it makes my world a kinder, gentler, more loving place, even if nothing changes.
Thanks, Aine. Makes me realize I could spend hours thinking of the many ways where elements of human kindness in the face of everyday struggles of life intersect.
I love your quote, Kevin, it does work if we apply it as our day flows through the opportunities that come to us each and every day.
I must learn to listen to those that need to be heard. I want to practice compassion by being a listener.
Oh yes, I pay attention to certain people who seem able to listen intently seemingly without effort. They have a certain of energy that seems different from most other people.
Wow, Always Learning indeed has a challenge. For me, I can get caught up in the superficial; but then remember that everyone has some kind of struggle and it brings me to compassion & empathy. Having faced so many struggles myself, I am uniquely suited to listen!
“Uniquely suited to listen!” I love this line, Christina. Thanks.
Thanks, Kev!
Indeed. My road is rocky but I have the “shoes” of faith, love, and gratitude. I am around people at dialysis who are very fragile, in pain, and are very afraid. I see their battles as metaphors for everyone else around me, and find that empathy comes to me to help me understand and respect them.
The saying “never judge another until you have walked a mile in their shoes” helps me get a better perspective of that other person’s journey, and to be more understanding and compassionate.
My mother went through dialysis for years, although I offered to sit with her, she always refused….the day she was told she would no longer able to receive dialysis was the day she had to face the horrible truth of dialysis and indeed my mom was very afraid….
very tough situation, many blessings to you
When a very dear friend of mine was going through cancer treatment, I was part of the roster of folks who loved this couple and were honored to help with driving to and from. There was a card used to check in when you entered the building, letting the office know you were there and headed to the appt. One day while sitting and waiting for her to be done, I looked around and saw everyone else holding a card just like the one I was holding for her. Then it hit me how alike we all were, that everyo...
When a very dear friend of mine was going through cancer treatment, I was part of the roster of folks who loved this couple and were honored to help with driving to and from. There was a card used to check in when you entered the building, letting the office know you were there and headed to the appt. One day while sitting and waiting for her to be done, I looked around and saw everyone else holding a card just like the one I was holding for her. Then it hit me how alike we all were, that everyone in that room was there because either they or someone they cared about had cancer. It was a sobering but connecting moment.
such a tender and caring moment
“Shoes” of faith, love, and gratitude… that is a wonderful! Thank you.
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